Chapter1
Augusta
The busy hustle and bustle of college life had never interested Augusta. Today, like every other day, she sat alone, her blonde ponytail blowing in the wind while she stared at her peers walking by. There are times she wonders what it would be like to be amid a crowd, to be able to trust those around you, but she always falls back into her safe bubble. Alone, closed off and a heart that can’t be reached.
She sat quietly on the grass in the shade under the tree that she’d claimed as her own since the first day of school. This was her second favorite activity. She would sit there, watching and working on her homework in between classes. Sometimes she would lay back on the ground and watch the sun glisten on the bright green leaves with the pale blue sky as the canvas background. It was peaceful, safe and most importantly…it was hers.
“Hi, Augusta! It’s so good to see you.” She glanced up to see Jacob approaching.
He was in her last class, and they often sat in the same row, with the tentative friendship of classmates ... that she could manage. It definitely didn’t warrant him plopping down next to her like they were longtime best friends. She had the immediate instinct to scoot over.
“Oh, yeah, hi,” Augusta replied, startled.
“I knew I’d find you under this tree.” He nudged her with his elbow. “You look a little lost in your own world.”
“Yeah, I enjoy my alone time,” she hinted.
“Oh, definitely. Me too. For sure.” He definitely hadn’t gotten her hint. “Do you want to sit together today? In class, I mean. We could compare notes. You always seem to have the best insights, and I’m sure you would have a lot to teach me.”
“Uh, you know what? I’m actually feeling like I might be catching a bit of a cold.” She started to stuff the books spread out before her into her bag. “I don’t think it would be a good idea for you to sit by me in case I accidentally get you sick. Sorry.” She rushed away from him, ignoring his desperate attempt to flirt with her.
It was flattering, but she couldn’t allow it. Even though he was tall with blonde spiked hair and hazel green eyes that you could get lost in, she knew he was bad news. The perfect magazine cover boy in every way.
She would have been all over the flirting if she were a normal college girl. But there was nothing normal about her. She wasn’t interested in a college romance that meant nothing.
Augusta couldn’t let herself be interested in him. She didn’twantto be interested in him. She continued to convince herself, but there was so much more to it than being just uninterested.
She was afraid.
Not necessarily of him, but afraid to get involved with anyone. Afraid to fall in love and get crushed again. It wasn’t easy to give all of herself to someone, just to have them take it all with them when they left. She’d also learned when you tell a person about your dreams and goals, they will use that against you as soon as you’re vulnerable.
No, she hadn’t been physically hurt, but the scars it left on her heart were nothing to be messed with.
Her peers all seemed to be leading normal lives, walking the same path, almost leaving a trail in the grass to and from their classrooms, completely engulfed in their everyday routines. They all seemed to be oblivious to the world outside of campus.
Watching their normalcy made her feel like she was missing out on something. But she knew being a woman in the shadows was best for her. So she watched them instead, almost like her life was a movie. She was the audience to everyone else’s show.
She did love watching the friendships built on laughter or back-and-forth banter, never fully understanding why she couldn’t fit in with them. As a child, she had no problem meeting other girls, and while several of those friendships have held, she has had trouble making new ones.
There was a never-ending list of boys that would come up and try to form meaningless conversations with her on a daily basis. She always wondered why the kid sitting alone under a tree in the shade looked like someone they needed to go talk to. But it never failed.
She wasn’t trying to be rude, but she couldn’t bear the thought of sitting through an entire lunch, faking small talk, and agreeing to another date later on that she equally didn’t want to have, just to be nice.
Instead, she focused on school and her photography. And on not getting hurt again.
Plus, Jacob was only one of the multiple encounters of that day. If she did change her mind and wanted to join a group, she knew there would be plenty more chances.
Augusta had chosen to keep to herself. This was college, after all, and if she started hanging out with people, there would be parties involved.
Parties with boys, boys that she told herself to stay away from. They were bad news, all of them. Staying away, hiding herself from the world, was the easiest way to never get hurt.
She wouldn’t be heartbroken again. She just couldn’t, especially not so soon.
She shook her head, trying to clear it. She needed to focus on getting to class, so she started up her walk again.
She arrived at her last class of the day and sat in the back row, making sure she was alone. She watched Jacob take his seat a few rows down from her.
Augusta felt bad for lying to Jacob as she saw him slip in, but she knew it was for the best; she didn’t need the distraction.