The words come without thought, and he blinks and then says, with a soft chuckle, “Well, that is good. In fact, I do not think I have ever heard sweeter words. However, they are not quite uttered in the tone I imagined for them, and I believe that suggests the true problem. You are not ready to be in love.”
“I... It’s happening very quickly.”
“It is.”
“And I did not think... That is, I had reconciled myself—or ‘reconciled’ might not be the correct word...”
“You had decided that you would likely not marry, and you were all right with that. I had done the same. I have known women whose company I appreciated, but none I wished to commit myself to in such a way.”
“Yes,” I say slowly. “Yet at the risk of giving offense, I do not think it is quite the same. Men often immerse themselves in their work or their interests with no intention of marrying, knowing they may change their minds at any point. A man may wed at forty, fifty, even sixty and begin a family. A woman past the years of childbearing is less likely to be seen as a prospect for marriage. Once I decided that I was not ready to wed, I knew it could be permanent, and I had accepted that.”
I shift in his arms. “I may be making no sense. I ought to be thrilled.”
“You ought to be thrilled that you have met a man who wishes to marry you?” His brows shoot up. “If you honestly believe I would think that, I have represented myself very poorly. This has happened quickly, and it is disconcerting.”
“Thrilling,” I say firmly. “But yes, also disconcerting. Earlier, Rosalind said that I had had lovers but never been in love, and she cautioned me against being so... well, cautious. She was not wrong.”
“She is not wrong about this being new and disconcerting, but you may be as cautious as you need to be, Miranda.”
“It is frightening.”
“Oui.”
“You feel that, too? Frightened?”
“Oui.”
I exhale, his admission oddly making me feel better. “Then you understand that if I do not throw myself into your arms, declaring I am yours for as long as you’ll have me, that does not mean I am not feeling exactly that?”
“Oui.” He pulls me to him, lips going to my ear. “You said you love me, and that is all I need. I will not wake to find you gone in the morning.”
“Never.” I pull back. “Also, that would be very awkward and quite rude, abandoning you with my sister, in someone else’s house and someone else’s century.”
“Very awkward.” He kisses me. “We will work this out. And now, you will be delighted to know, I have finished talking.”
“Finally.” I thump back onto the pillow. “Now I can sleep.”
He moves over me and arches a brow. “If you truly wish to sleep...”
I roll my eyes. “Sometimes you are really too considerate, Nico.”
“Mmm, no, if I were truly considerate, I would let you sleep while pleasuring you so that you might enjoy the best of both.” He tilts his head. “Of course, there is no reason why I cannot do that.”
“It does sound rather lovely.”
“I am certain it does.” He reaches to tug up my skirts. “And since, having dressed hastily in my time, you now have far fewer underthings to contend with, I ought to be able to manage it with minimal interruption.”
I stretch back onto the pillows. “I would appreciate that.”
“Then rest, crécerelle. Rest and enjoy. You have had a very difficult day, and since I could not reward you with a bath, this will need to do.”
“It will do very nicely.”
29
As one might imagine, I did not fall asleep during Nicolas’s ministrations. I would need to be exhausted to the point of sedation to do so... or he would need to be far less superb at it than he is. Neither of those things being true, I remain awake while giving myself over to both relaxation and indulgence, and once I am wonderfully sated, I am also quite refreshed enough to return the favor. I insist he crawl into bed and rest while I take charge, and I do not rush the process, which is both for his sake and mine, allowing him to relax while I practice my technique.
We sleep afterward, and I expect to be fully unconscious until daylight, but something nudges at me, and I wake while the moon is still high, moonlight streaming through the open window.