So I leave him with:See you tomorrow!
“Please let him be better in person,” I mumble, fingers crossed, wishing it were 11:11 so I could make a wish.
It’s going to be fine, I tell myself. The date will be great even if there isn’t a romantic connection. The main thing is, you’re putting yourself out there!
Duke:Knock, knock…
My face instantly lights up, excitement growing.
Me:Who’s there?
Duke:Can I come in?
Me:Can I come in… who?
Duke:Okay but just this once.
I stare at this joke, trying to make sense of it.
Me:It would have made more sense if you’d said, “Can I come in YOU.”
Duke:Oh. I guess you’re right. DAMMIT
Me:LOL
Duke:I was trying to be clever, but I don’t really know any good jokes and had to Google one.
Me:The Google did you dirty LOL
Duke:Yeah, apparently you’re way better at dirty jokes than I am. Plus, I didn’t want you to think I was a fucking pervert in here jacking off or something.
Me:Literally would not have thought that.
Me:But speaking of jerking off…
Duke:???
Me:I might have done that already.
Duke:Tonight?
Me:LOLOL yes.
It’s strange chatting Duke up as if he were a stranger when he’s in the next room. Even more so now that I’ve masturbated to the thought of him, hands still drying as I message him through the dating app.
The whole thing is SO WEIRD!!!
And about to get weirder.
There’s an actual knock on my bedroom door. A pounding, more like it, as if a Neanderthal were on the other side of it having himself a hissy fit.
“Yeah?”
It flies open, hitting the wall behind it.
“Shit. Sorry.”
I throw my blankets off me, rising, stalking over toward my roommate, whose massive body is taking up the entire doorway.