It’s several moments before he rolls off, turning me over and grinning as he looks down at me.
“Pain and pleasure. Did you get what you needed out of tonight?” he asks, slightly winded.
I press my forehead to his chest and nod. “Bestbirthdayof my life. Thank you for helping me quench my curiosity.” Lowering my dress and running my fingers through my hair, I give a bashful smile as the memories of what occurred forever imprint on my soul. “I should probably go find Sasha. I don’t want her worrying about me.”
Pulling me into an embrace, he kisses me hard before saying, “You don’t need to go back. You know this, right?”
“I do need to go back. I can’t explain why,” I admit, which is the truth. My father hasn’t exactly been welcoming, and I still haven’t processed what my life with the Sidorovs will be, but I need to explore this. I need to see what being a Morelli is like.
“He can’t fill that hole inside of you,” Nick says, not releasing me from his hold.
“It’s more than a hole. I’m broken. I’ve been like this my entire life because I’ve always wondered about the what-ifs. What if I didn’t live without a father? What if I was accepted as one of them? What if I had money, a fancy house, and never having to hustle for a buck ever again. The what-ifs shattered me to pieces. I’m simply trying to figure out how to pick them back up and fix me.”
His arms tighten around me. “You can’t fill the cracks with gold. It doesn’t help.”
“But it’s got to be better than what I’ve had.”
“You’ll soon see that the gold only expands and makes the cracks bigger, wider, full of gaps that even gold can’t fill.”
“Maybe so,” I say softly as I place my hands on his chest. “But I need to see this through. I can’t go back. I can’t be the scared girl who lived to please her neglectful mother. I need to…” I finally break away from his hold. I take a deep breath. “I need to go find Sasha, and head back—” It doesn’t feel right to sayhome. The mansion is not my home. “I’ve been gone for a while. I don’t want anyone to worry.”
He doesn’t say another word to argue, but I can sense his disappointment in my answer. I’m not telling him what he wants to hear, but I appreciate that he isn’t fighting me or holding on to thehappily ever afteridea of us. I’m not a princess who gets the romantic ending. I’m me. Just the bastard child who is in search of something… anything.
Nick leads me out of the office and back to the main level. I see Sasha is at the bar with a drink in hand as she’s speaking with Harrison. Her body’s close. He’s leaning in. They don’t exactly look friendly, but they aren’t pulling away. I hear Nick chuckle, and when I look up at him, I can see that he also sees what I do.
“I don’t think Sasha has noticed you’ve gone,” he says.
“My, my,” I hear from behind us. “This is someone I didn’t expect to see.” Nick and I turn to see Cora Pillar standing with a drink in hand and a long cigarette in her gloved hand.
“Cora,” Nick says as he leans in and kisses each side of her cheek. “I haven’t seen you all night. I was starting to think you decided on not coming.”
Cora’s eyes are locked with mine. Mine are locked with hers. There is a silent communication between us. She’s preparing her defense. She’s going to pull the “who are you going to believe, me or her?” card. But she’s scared. I can see the flicker of fear in her eyes. I can see it in the way her lips purse together and the way her breathing is shallow, her veined neck more obvious as she brings the cigarette to her mouth.
“I couldn’t miss your unbirthday party,” she says. “I know how important Wonderland is to you, and I wouldn’t miss it for the world. You’re the most important person to me in my life.”
Yes, I’m listening. I hear what she’s not saying. It’s a hidden plea. It’s her way of telling me just how close Cora and Nick are. And I know this. I see the way Nick is with Cora. I see the way his eyes soften, and his smile nearly melts his face. She’s like a mother to him. I know this, which is why I haven’t said a single word about how she set up the kidnapping in Italy. I know what it feels like to feel betrayed by a mother. I know how painful it is to be let down by someone you love and by someone you believed to love you. I know what it feels like when your world shatters because the people close to you aren’t trustworthy. Betrayal is the worst pain in the world, and I wouldn’t wish that feeling on Nick. He’s been through enough pain in his life. What good would come from me telling Nick of Cora’s betrayal? Yes, I may feel better. Vengeance feels damn good. But will Nick feel good? Will Nick be happy I told him? All I would do is destroy a long relationship between the two. And from what I know of Nick, Cora is one of the few people in his life that he actually loves, if not the only one.
“Lyriope,” she says on exhale as smoke circles around her face. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”
“There was an open invite to all Morellis,” I say, trying to hide the venom in my voice. I want to lash out and bite the woman, poisoning her with my hate, but I somehow compose myself.
“And I’m so glad she did,” Nick says as he puts his arm around my shoulders and kisses my forehead.
I don’t know if he did the action on purpose as a way of showing Cora how Nick feels, or if it was a simple and innocent act. Regardless of his intentions, Cora’s eyes watch every move he makes toward me. She’s studying. She’s scrutinizing. And I believe she’s concluding that if she and I go to war… I may justwin. I do know that Nick may never forgive her for the betrayal. He doesn’t seem like a man that would handle being lied to well.
Cora locks eyes with me, and I see them soften. I see them almost plead. “I hope you’re settling well at the Morelli mansion,” she says the words without even blinking.
I nod. “I am.”
“You’ve been through a lot.”
“I have.”
“Well, if there is anything I can do to help in the transition,” she offers. “I know I haven’t offered that before and I apologize. I’m sorry. Any friend of Nick should be a friend of mine. I hope you can accept my apology.”
It’s hidden. It’s cloaked. But she’s saying sorry.
Nick laughs. “Cora doesn’t like anyone or is willing to help a soul.” He laughs. “Except me. So take that as a compliment.”