“Hell yes, I do.”
He crossed the room so fast I barely had time to blink.
My back hit the bookshelves—hard.
Namir’s tongue was in my mouth instantly, and it felt like he was devouring me whole. His hands were hot on my hips, his mouth brutal against mine, his teeth scraping my lip every time he had the chance.
Our hands moved over each other desperately, until mine were in his pants and his were between my thighs. And then he was touching me, rubbing me, working me.
I shattered a moment later, crying out into his mouth with the fierce pleasure as I stroked him hard and fast. His erection throbbed in my fist as I came, and his release soaked both my hand and his pants.
His forehead crashed into mine, his eyes closed and his expression one of tortured bliss.
“If you’re worrying about hurting me right now, I’ll claw your balls out myself,” I growled at him.
A laugh burst from him—a real laugh, not one of the light, fake ones he gave most of his people. “Stars, you’re lovely.”
“That’s not usually how a person responds to a threat, Namir,” I grumbled, though my lips were curved upward in a slight smile as I spoke.
He chuckled, burying his hand into my hair and tilting my head up slightly, so our noses met.
My eyes remained closed, my damp palm still in his pants as I said, “We need to talk about our pasts.”
He sighed. “And our future.”
As much as I didn’t want to talk about what had happened before, I knew that we needed to. Especially if we were going to make decisions about what was coming next for us.
Chapter20
We washed up together,and then returned to the couch. This time, we sat on the same one. Our backs rested against the arm rests and our legs sprawled out over each other’s bodies, tangling and bending awkwardly, but giving us a way to see each other’s eyes.
“Why do you feel so strongly that you need to protect me?” I asked, starting the conversation. “I know the bond is part of it, but we don’t have any markings on our throats yet, so it shouldn’t bethatstrong.”
He grimaced, but didn’t answer immediately.
I figured I’d better soften him up by sharing information about myself first.
“I don’t know the names of the people who held my friends and I captive,” I admitted. “Their magic was from our land, though. Vena and Akari are both from other lands, so I assume they knew what they were talking about when they told me it was night magic.”
Namir’s expression darkened as I spoke. His playfulness had vanished, and I was glad it had. I wanted him to be raw and honest with me, not to put on a mask and play the part he thought he needed to. “I hate that you were in pain and I couldn’t help you.”
I countered, “I hate that you think you hurt me and didn’t believe me when I said you didn’t.”
He shoved a hand through his hair, mussing the dark strands. “My father and mother were fated. He loved her, and any fool could see that she loved him too. But my brother Laith was the only one she ever loved other than him—to everyone else, she was cruel, and hateful.”
He continued, his eyes focused on something past me. “My oldest brother, Espen, was always quiet and gentle. He didn’t stand up for himself against her; I had to do that for him. She beat us, and though I was close with my father, he didn’t stop her. He loved her too much to do so, and didn’t love us enough I suppose. Since her passing, I’ve been paranoid about becoming my mother, about hurting those I’m supposed to love. And about becoming my father, too lost in love to defend those I need to protect.”
Our eyes finally met, and the king had me stunned speechless for a moment.
Clearing my throat, I finally asked, “Yet you kept looking for me? Waiting for me?”
His lips curved upward a bit sadly. “That’s the problem with never truly being loved, I guess. It leaves you desperate for it.”
My heart swelled, and I nearly stretched across the couch and kissed him. But I needed to clear the rest of the air first. “I was held in a dark prison for my entire life, chained to a wall for every moment except those when I was pulled away and tortured. Even then, the chains remained. I won’t tell you details of the torture—I won’t allow myself to relive them. But Akari was eighteen when we were captured, and she told me that the horrors we survived were the likes of which she had never imagined.”
His expression was so fucking dark, and shadows slipped slowly off his skin, curling into the air around us.
I continued anyway. “They wanted to extract the kings’ magic from us, and went to nearly every length they could think of to do so. I was spared from the sexual attacks because of my age, but Akari and Vena…” I trailed off, my magic gathering and my body shuddering with the horror of the memories. The looks in their eyes, the devastation in their sobs…