Dante wasn’t healthy for me, period, back then. I’d built him up to superhero status and made him out to be my only safe zone. He’d been the one I told all my problems to before we hooked up, and then he’d been the only one I wanted to share my pregnancy with but also the one I knew I couldn’t tell.
I wanted him so badly in those moments, even succumbed to him in a bathroom during our Christmas party, only to find that it drained me for the following week.
I wanted his comfort but knew I had to comfort myself.
And then the blow of him comforting her the following summer came.
“The relationship is a professional one,” he ground out. “I’m not with your sister. She works for me now.”
“Yeah, ‘now,’ he says,” I mumbled because I was on a roll at this point. I’d never confronted him about dating my sister while I was off at the west coast university trying to get over a miscarriage. I could barely bring myself to keep my grades up, let alone tell a guy who was my crush that I had deeper feelings for him.
“What are you insinuating, Delilah?”
I glared at him. I hated when he used my full name like I was in trouble. “Well, you were with her over a summer.” Saying it out loud still had me sick to my stomach. I knew their relationship didn’t last long. Izzy called and visited in the fall and told me she and Dante were just friends now, that she had enrolled in community college.
We’d celebrated. I was happy for her. I was happy to see her shine. Now, I thought she probably shined like that because she was having a secret relationship with him the whole time.
I didn’t see her much after that. I just struggled to get through college where everything seemed tainted. The student hospital where I’d been told I was pregnant, the cafeteria where I’d had morning sickness, the library where I’d researched how to be a good mom.
I hauled ass when I graduated, telling my family I didn’t want to walk in the graduation ceremony or have a party because of the opportunity in Puerto Rico. It seemed to be how I’d change my life. I was ecstatic, in a new place and ready to explore the world away from all the expectations back home.
And all that had been ripped away from me now.
Because of Dante and Izzy.
That thought alone had my gut twisting up in a way it shouldn’t.
“So you guys used me as, what? Cover? Was I some decoy so Izzy could get through TSA?” The words came up like vomit out of me, the acid in them vile in my throat. It tasted of old times, of being overlooked, but now with the icing of my childhood crush and my sister using me for that exact reason. “Are you dealing drugs?”
“No.” He pulled onto a small side street and killed the engine. He grabbed my chin so I would look him in the eyes. “Is that what you think of me? I’d never put Izzy in harm’s way like that.”
I should have been thankful, but my stomach twisted. “Well, lucky her,” I whispered back.
He caught my pain, snatched from the passive-aggressive comment, and threw it back in my face like he was ready to confront everything head-on. “Lucky? As opposed to you, Lilah? I know you’re not insinuating that I’d ever put you in harm’s way either. You damn well know better. You were never a part of our plan. I know you’re not made for…” His voice tapered off after he realized his mistake.
“I’m not made for what exactly, Dante?”
He rubbed his forehead, and I saw his jaw moving up and down like he was deciding something. Then those light eyes snapped to mine, and they hardened to the color of a stone I wasn’t privy to the name of. The Dante I knew was gone. “You’re not made for this, for me, for a life of undercover work which—” He glared at me then, swallowing me up in his gaze and captivating me all over again with a stare that was meant to hold me hostage. “By the way, that’s what this is. A government operation. I’m contracted and so is she. And obviously you’re not.”
My jaw dropped as my mind spiraled, trying to decipher fact from fiction. “You can’t be serious?”
He shook his head, and we let the life in the streets of the town play out around us as I searched his eyes for a lie. Then he glanced out at an old building down the alley. “I am. It’s too dangerous, and you’re a lamb, Lilah.”
“My sister and I are made up of the exact same genes, you know that, right?” I pointed out.
“Your sister—” He huffed and then grumbled low, “You know your sister is built different. You might be identical twins, but you played it safe. I’m guessing the only time you’ve done something out of line was with her.”
“My sister, the one you dated?” Suddenly, I couldn’t stop myself from feeling even more betrayed. My sister had continued to lie to me while we were behind bars. Dante had probably been lying to me with her all these years. Not that I really gave him a chance to talk to me. I was barely around, but that wasn’t the point. “The girl you’ve been partnering with all this time? You two break up just for appearances? You still screwing, even while on the job?”
“Watch your mouth,” he threw back like I was a child.
“Oh, are you that protective of your relationship with her that I can’t say you’re screwing? Fine, making love? Sleeping together. God, you’re both such assholes. And I’m the stupid, stupid—”
His hand snapped out to catch my neck and push me back against the headrest as he turned to glare at me. I gasped, not in fear, but at the spark that flew between us as his pupils dilated, as his hand squeezed at the body part pulling oxygen into my lungs. All his muscles tensed; his veins protruded under the sleeve of his tattoo. I bit my lip as he leaned in close to my ear and whispered against it, “Stop talking bad about yourself. Jesus, Lilah. I’m trying here. I’m not fucking your sister. I never did and never will because I had you first. I told you a long time ago I wouldn’t forget, and I haven’t, Delilah Hardy.”
“What?” I stuttered over his declaration. “You dated one summer. She called me to tell me you guys made out.”
His thumb rubbed up my jawline, and he took a second to drag his face across my neck as he took in a deep breath. I didn’t know if he was trying to calm himself or if he meant something more, but I was embarrassed at how quickly my body reacted. The goosebumps popped up everywhere, and my pussy pulsed for a man I hadn’t had in years.