“I don’t think it matters how we get to the end goal, Morina. We need to move things slowly with partnerships to maintain a good relationship. I intend to allow for this one time around while we confirm government participation in our green energy plan.”
“And what if we don’t get that participation?”
“We will.” He said it like he had no concerns.
“You can’t make that promise. And then you’ll be tied to pushing those terminals again.Again, Bastian. You know why I’m sayingagain?”
“Morina–” His tone was consoling, for the child he must have thought I was.
“Did you know your father pushed my grandmother into voting for more oil at the terminals and it caused a spill?”
He glanced away and his dark chocolate eyes, the ones I loved seeing rake over my body, showed guilt. It was all I needed to confirm the answer.
“Let’s take a moment, Morina,” he said like his quiet voice would soothe me. He even stepped over to my salt lamp and turned it on like that could change the damn mood. “Do you want to sit here?”
I knew he wasn’t trying to mock the way I was. He wouldn’t do that. He seemed to enjoy that I thought each crystal and salt lamp brought some peace into life. Yet, Bastian calmed and accommodated. He was trying to fit everyone into a box and make us all happy.
“Bastian Armanelli,” I sneered his name as I approached the lamp. “You think you can have your cake and eat it too? You think you can have the shares and still be partnered with a refinery that pushed my city to the brink? What happened to Sebastian, the man who could rule an empire and do exactly what he wanted?”
I grabbed the salt lamp and raised it over my head. “You charmed me instead of being honest and being there for me.” I threw it down and the crystal crashed on the floor, sending shattered fragments everywhere. “A marriage of convenience becomes a marriage of disaster.”
“Morina!” He reached for me, but I jumped back. “You’re overreacting.”
“Quick decisions. My grandmother said to make them. Do you know how quickly I decide to overreact or indulge in my feelings, Bastian? Normally, it’s faster than this. Normally, I just go with what I feel. I stopped that with you. I went even though the path felt foolish.”
“That’s not true. You went down a hard path for once because you saw the risk but also the reward. It may have been a dark path, but–”
“Dark, unknown, and therefore stupid, Bastian. This was all so stupid.” My heart galloped in my chest and suddenly, it ached. It ached like someone was pressing against it and the pressure had the potential to bleed me out.
“You can’t overcome the darkness and reach your reward if you don’t go down the path and find out what’s there, Morina. We’ve got so much going for us.” His brows knitted together but he slid his hands in his pockets like he wasn’t going to fight me or fight for me. I wasn’t sure which.
“You go searching for secrets, and you’ll always find them. These secrets are too big, Bastian. These lies and omissions of truth aren’t worth it to me.”
“What are you saying?” he whispered.
“I love you.” I took a shaky breath, my eyes stinging from the tears I knew were going to come. Saying those words shouldn’t have been like this. There should have been rose petals on the floor instead of shattered crystal. There should have been love in the air instead of mistrust. “I really, really love you. I thought I found someone who could accept my quirks and the fact that I run ten different directions at one time—”
“You did.” He said, a frown on his face. “I’m standing right in front of you.”
I shook my head. “But I can’t. I believe you but I don’t. I want you but I won’t.” I shook my head and my wavy hair fell over my cheeks. I backed away from him as the tears streamed down my face.
I left him in the living room around shattered crystals, shattered vows, and a shattered marriage. I went to pack my suitcases.
I couldn’t trust him and he couldn’t put me first and fight for me instead of his companies like I wanted him to.
We were broken before we even began, and if I didn’t leave, I’d be lost to him forever.
38
Bastian
Morina’s heart turned on me like my mother’s had turned on my father that day.
The look in her eyes mirrored the one my mother had when my father told her she couldn’t leave him, that he would continue to do everything he wanted and she would just have to live with it.
She’d been so mad at my father about a shipment and they’d argued and argued. He’d finally walked up to her and instead of trying to smooth things over, he’d smacked her hard across the face.
I’d just turned ten. I remembered the day because she’d made me a birthday cake the night before and when he hit her, she caught herself on the table, her hand landing in the cake. Fingers covered in white frosting and a cake ruined, she raised her face and shook her head at him in disgust.