chapter TWENTY-TWO
Therapist: Happiness is sometimes hard to find. It’s okay to feel down some days.
Jay: Sure, but I also think we’ve just programmed ourselves not to look for happiness. If we stop to take a second, joy is all around us. And if we work for it, we’ll be the happiest we’ve ever been.
Jay
“Okay.” Mikka looked frazzled, and I loved that I’d done that to her. She wiggled her ripped jeans back and forth a few times. “Let’s go try Lorraine’s pie and get this over with. We’re still on dates with other people.”
“Wait.” I halted while she continued walking over some wavy floorboards. They creaked under me like they were sighing at my weight as I rocked back on my feet, trying to roll back the instant anger I felt at her words. “I’m not going back to my date, woman.”
She wiped a finger over her mouth when she looked back at me, still trying to get rid of the evidence that I’d had her in the fun house. “I’m not going to tell Brady we did the dirty in here and now I can’t continue the night with him.”
“Why the hell not?”
“Because!” Her arms flew up as if I was crazy. “It’s weird and…”
“And what?” I followed as she spun and stalked out of the room toward the exit. We walked down a colorful ramp with shimmering strands of rubber hanging from the ceiling. The accordion music bounced all over the place, a little like my emotions.
“And I don’t think the town needs to know about us right when they are just starting to accept me.”
“Who cares if they accept you or not? You’re here with me.”
She stopped, the exit door in front of her. She didn’t look at me, but I knew she wanted to. After years of knowing her, years of watching how she handled things, I’d begun to see what I really enjoyed about her. She was headstrong as hell. She didn’t show weakness, not even when she felt it.
But Mikka was honest. She could admit fear to me because she knew the strongest thing you could do with fear was overcome it. “I want them to like me, Jay. For some reason, I really, really want everyone in this town to like me.”
Her voice broke as she confessed, and I wrapped my arms around her from behind. I whispered into her soft hair, “You have to know it’s impossible not to like you.”
She sighed. “I wasn’t likeable in my hometown and I wasn’t in college either. People respected me. They didn’t like me, though.”
“What’s not to like?” I asked.
“I was the little Asian in a white neighborhood with big glasses and big dreams. I didn’t let anyone outdo me, and I learned quickly that most of my friends had nasty things to say behind my back. I stole a lot of people’s thunder.”
“They were jealous.”
“Yes. And malicious. Still, it makes me want to have a place where people enjoy me for who I am, and I like to think I’m getting that here, even if it’s for just a little while.”
My arms slid off her, and I walked around to face her. “I’m going to agree to not saying anything. I won’t agree to him touching you.”
She lifted that bare shoulder that I wanted to bite and then lick better. “Fine. Same goes for you and Sandy.”
I slid my arm around her waist and yanked her to me. “I’m tasting your mouth one last time before we face the music.”
I kissed her again, and this time I worked her lips so well, they looked a little bruised when we came up for air. She was panting like she wanted me, like I was her oxygen, and her eyes ate me up when she glanced down at my crotch.
“Woman, I swear to Christ, you look there again and I’m going to check to see how wet you are for me. Then, we won’t be going anywhere at all tonight.”
“Oh my God. Go!” She shoved me in the shoulder and pushed out of the exit doors before I could.
Brady and Sandy started a slow clap. Lorraine whooped, and then I glanced around. Practically the whole town, including my brothers, Jax and Jett, were there slow-clapping with them.
I swore low and soft, and Mikka followed suit. Her string of curses was longer and much more fluent than mine.
“Leave it to you to beat me at a damn swearing contest too,” I mumbled to her.
She smiled at the crowd, but the blush rising to her cheeks made me wonder if she really felt comfortable. “This is completely and utterly embarrassing, Jay,” she said through her teeth.