I waited because I wasn’t sure I wanted to give an answer.
“I see you, the girl I wanted but could never have. I see you, the woman I had that I’m never letting go again. I’ve never committed to another woman because no one is like you. You had me on that red string since the day I met you. And now we’re walking around as if ‘friends with benefits’ is going to be enough? As if Brady is going to be enough?”
“Jay, it’s just some fun with Brady and I don’t expect anything more from you. You shouldn’t expect more either. We’re both in delicate states. I just got out of a relationship and you just got out of rehab.”
“The timing may be off, but I’m not letting you slip through my fingers again,” he growled.
I groaned. “We’re not ready. We’ve done well the way we’ve always been. You and I are—”
“Don’t say friends.” He stepped up to me. “Don’t you dare.”
“Aren’t we, though? We always have been.”
“I should have taken you the first day I met you on that beach, Dougie or no.”
I shook my head, trying to shake away the idea. “Don’t be ridiculous. We don’t work, we never would have and Dougie was—”
“Dougie is gone, and Brady’s not going to stand in my way like your last boyfriend did.”
“I’m not looking for anything, Jay. I want fun and we’re too complicated, too close. Brady is—”
“Brady is NOT an option. Do you know that since the night I kissed you, you’re all I think about? I don’t want other women. I don’t want a party. I want you.”
I stepped back again, came up against a mirror, and knew there wasn’t anywhere to hide. My breath came faster as he cornered me like he did the night he kissed me.
He gripped my jaw and lifted my face as if it belonged to him. “I just want you.”
Maybe I kissed him then. Maybe he kissed me.
But with ourselves as witnesses on every single mirror surrounding us, we devoured one another. He tasted like sugar and devastation, like dreams and nightmares all mixed into one. I moaned when his tongue tangled with mine, not sure I would ever be able to forget his kiss, forget the way he felt against me, forget the idea that I could have him to myself like this.
I shoved him and tore my mouth away. “I can’t do this with you. You’re my place, Jay.”
And he was. My mom pushed me to be everything; Dougie had made me feel like nothing. LA swallowed me up until I had to claw my way out, and this small town gave me the illusion I was something even though I may never be anything to them. I didn’t have close friends. I didn’t have any place to feel home.
Except for Jay.
“You’re my friend,” I whispered and dragged a finger across his lips because I knew I’d miss them, that they deserved to be treasured, and I wanted to be the only one to do that.
He gripped my finger and dipped it into his mouth. He wrapped his tongue around it and sucked off what little bit of sugar may have been left as he closed the gap between us. He pulled me from his mouth and pushed his hips against me. I felt the length of him, knew I was a goner as he said, “More than friends, Meek.”
He dove in to kiss me again, but I made a last ditch effort. “Brady and Sandy are going to be coming up behind us very shortly. We need to stop.”
“I paid the man in charge. No one comes in the fun house. Except you. You get to come in the funhouse, baby, and I’m going to provide the fun.” He grabbed my hips and dipped his head to suck on my neck. The spot was so sensitive, it hardly registered that his hands were unbuttoning and lowering my jeans. When his fingers touched my bare skin, I didn’t hesitate. I kicked off my shoes and pants.
“I’m going to hell for doing this with kids waiting outside,” I mumbled as I gripped his dark hair.
“No one’ll know. The electricity goes out on this thing half the time anyway. That guy shuts it down for maintenance most of the festival.”
“Brady and Sandy will know, Jay.” I yanked at his hair so he’d stop for a second to consider what we were doing. He lifted his head from my neck. His lips glistened, his smile popped with a dimple, and his voice held confidence as he replied, “I’m aware. Brady can go fuck himself. Or Sandy for that matter. I don’t care.”
There wasn’t a way to stop myself if Jay didn’t have any restraint either. I unzipped his jeans and grabbed the whole length of him, ready for him to work me better than any man ever had.
Biting my lip, I lifted my leg to wrap around him. “So, we’re doing this?” The question was a last ditch effort to save what was left of our friendship. We’d fallen over the edge into something more and I knew we couldn’t go back, but fear festered in me.
I could lose him.
But the fighter in me, the competitor that knew I didn’t lose, told me I would never lose him. I’d fight harder for this man than I’d fought for anything ever before.