And I wasn’t sure I wanted to play. It was dangerous, potentially catastrophic. I was starting to realize Jay had a piece of my heart and it was the piece that didn’t compete well. It was the piece I wasn’t sure could withstand seeing him with someone else.
It was the piece that loved him more than I’d ever loved anyone else before.
As I curled up in bed that night, I considered my toys and thought about Jay licking caramel off more than just his fingers. All the fun from the day died, though, when my phone rang.
Dougie’s name flashed across the screen, and I silenced the ringing. I’d silenced it more than a few times over the past week.
A text came through.
Dougie:You know I hate the silent treatment.
Dougie:I’m getting impatient.
I laid there for ten minutes, not responding. I got up and started my exercises, carefully breathing in and out. I stretched to the sky and tried to push the negative energy away from me. After it seemed like he’d given up, I turned on my yoga app to start working through a routine that would get my blood flowing.
As I hit the start button, another text came through.
Dougie:What do I have to do to get some of your time? I’m sorry I’m being pushy and I’m sorry to be reaching out. I miss you. Please tell me you miss me too.
He was trying so hard and pushing all my buttons. He wanted my guilt to override my decision to end us.
I’d given in to him for so long that I almost texted back.
Almost.
Much later, I wondered what would have happened if I had.