Was I that delicate and that worthy of his soft touch? His stare searched deep down within me and somehow I felt like he waded through everything that was insubstantial about me. He got to my heart and rooted himself with my soul.
I rolled my lips between my teeth, trying to hold back the fear of letting someone else I cared about see. I closed my eyes and nodded.
He took a deep breath and ran his hand down my shoulder as the other slowly pulled the zipper down. He slid his fingers under the shirt and my skin shivered at his touch. As he smoothed his hands over me toward the shirt, it fell away.
I didn’t look down at myself. I knew from his eyes widening, it looked worse than I made it out to be every time I stared at myself in the mirror.
As he hummed low, I knew he’d seen the dark purple circle on the side of my ribs. The swelling had gone down, but the reddish, purple coloring hadn’t faded much.
“Jesus,” he blew out, the one word falling from his lips like he was destroyed by it. Then he fell to his knees as his hands ran over my skin. Something was happening as he stared at me, as he assessed the damage. His touch was as delicate as a feather blown over me by a breeze. His azure eyes shined as if they were lone stars leading me back to the safety I longed for.
He leaned in and gently grazed his lips across the darkened skin. He held me like I was cracked glass, like I could shatter under him. And in that moment, I wondered if I would.
No man had ever kissed me so softly, so full of worship, so tenderly.
My body heated, my nipples tightened, and my thighs shook.
Why did something that was supposed to be wrong feel right?
I wondered if the red string of Yue Lao was pulling us together as my arms wrapped around him. I wondered if this was where we were supposed to be.
He unbuttoned my pants and I let him. I was lost in him, oblivious to the idea that I could be anywhere else but with him in this moment.
But then he stopped.
He took a steadying breath and leaned his forehead against my stomach. I combed my hands through his hair and slowly pulled him back. “You’re stopping?”
“You’re in pain. It’s not the way I want to take you.”
This man wanted to cherish me. He’d rooted himself in my heart. I’d stopping thinking someone could want to do just that with Dougie. Dougie wouldn’t have cared and that had made my heart lose all hope. It had turned cold. But Jay’s soft touches and the way he cared for me warmed the heart I thought had frozen over. It turned me on the way I hadn’t been turned on in months. “I’ll be fine, Jay.”
I said the words to soothe him, to have him carry on, but he shook his head. His face was marred with concern.
“When?” His fingers lightly grazed over my bottom rib as he stood back up.
“It doesn’t matter,” I mumbled. If I admitted it was from two weeks ago, he’d be even more concerned that this wasn’t the worst of it. “You were still in rehab, and Dougie and I just weren’t connecting.”
He lifted my chin so I could look into his eyes as he said, “You. Deserve. Better. Your skin’s like porcelain, little one. Don’t you get that he should be treating you like it?”
I didn’t know if I believed that anymore, and I wasn’t sure there was a better man out there who would treat me that way. The only one I knew of stood in front of me, and he’d never committed to a woman in his life. Dougie had. “He’s sorry. You know he is. You saw how sorry he is.”
“He’s scared, not sorry. He’ll say whatever to keep you around. Anyone would. You’re too damn precious to lose.” His hands slid to my waist to hold me steady as he leaned in to study my ribs again. Goosebumps skittered across my skin and my body reacted to him like it never did with Dougie anymore. I wasn’t afraid of this man; I wasn’t concerned for my wellbeing. There was something in the way he touched me—I wasn’t a treasure, but he made me feel like one.
“You get checked out?” He pressed softly over one rib to feel for a break.
I winced a bit and cleared my throat. Admitting it all out loud felt more shameful than experiencing it. “I went to the doctor. Nothing is broken.”
“So, you put it on record?”
I stepped back. My head was clouding, getting lost in his touch, getting lost in a feeling that wasn’t real, that wasn’t an option. “I told them I fell into a railing.”
“Dougie’s fist that railing?”
I spun to zip my top back up. “It’s more complicated than that and you know it. We’re the reason for that. Our kiss—that should have never happened, might I add—put stress on my relationship. I failed and I’m trying to fix it.”
“That kiss was bound to happen.” His stare was hard and glaring. “And a relationship isn’t just you failing, Meek. There’s two people involved.”
I narrowed my eyes at him over my shoulder. “Jay, you can’t give me advice on relationships.”