chapter ELEVEN
Therapist: Why haven’t you called your best friend, Brey?
Jay: I need to make amends with her beyond my addiction. I need to do that face to face. I owe her a lot more than a phone call. I owe her a better friendship.
Jay
I had Lorraine leave Advil and water on her bedside the next morning. I couldn’t trust myself in there alone with her after her sharing her ideas about the iron headboard, after her kissing me, after tasting her again.
Jesus, she wanted to be ravaged. Was it just me she wanted or would she be fine with anyone giving her the attention she deserved? I’d never considered that she hadn’t been loved and cherished, that she might yearn for a touch outside of me or Dougie.
The idea had my heart picking up speed and my gut clenching. And the problem with our ground rules was I had to be honest with myself too.
Mikka wasn’t just my friend anymore.
My thoughts had crossed over after that kiss, spiraled and gained as much momentum as a tornado. When she’d thrown into our conversation last night that she’d been considering sex at Lorraine’s, I hadn’t considered that she was free to come and go without me, that she could bring a man back here, that I would have to hear that iron pounding and know it wasn’t me doing it.
The need to seek out a party barreled through me. If this was just the start of the month, just a few days out of rehab, I would have to remind myself daily that some movies were meant to be told by me and only me. This movie needed someone who respected the role, respected the lines and believed them. That someone was me. I had to find a way to stay relaxed. Stress was a trigger of mine. Therapy had taught me that.
It taught me that fatiguing the stress was a combative option too.
I put my running shoes on and bolted out of the house. I burned off the little bit of alcohol I’d drunk and took my frustration out on the sidewalk, on the open winding roads.
Halfway into my run, I turned a corner and saw dark, auburn hair blowing in the wind. “Brey, slow your ass down.”
She turned and stopped running. “Fancy seeing you here.”
“Running off the grogginess of last night too?”
“The hangover? Yeah, your brother was supposed to come, but he said he was inspired to write some lyrics this morning.”
“Huh. He hasn’t written in a while.” I scratched my jaw.
“He won’t sing it. But he said he knows who is meant to sing it already.”
“Sounds about right.” I nodded and started to stroll up the street. “You two heading back today?” They lived about two hours away in the city. I had a feeling they’d come to check in with me and would be gone soon enough.
Aubrey narrowed her eyes though. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
“Give me a break, baby girl. You know I love you; I want you here whenever you can be.”
“Then why didn’t you call?”
“I’m trying not to bother you or burden you.”
“Was I a burden to you all those years ago?”
“What?” I halted my run, scrambling through all the times we’d spent together. Brey was my girl. She’d moved in next door back when we were kids. She was quiet, but quick on her feet. She was polite but had a mouth that could cut down the best of them. She was reserved, but fun and caring. She had needed a friend more than anyone I’d ever seen, and I wasn’t one to ever turn away someone in need.
I fell in love with having her around. She accepted my crazy need to enjoy life and I went into every damn scenario with that need. She might have been reserved, but she pushed herself more than any other person I knew to make me happy. She was there for me and I was there for her.
Until the fire. My brother found her house burning down and saved her. After that, their relationship changed. Ours did too. We were still best friends, but something died in her that night and I swear the only person who could fill the hole was my brother.
“After the fire, your mom took me in. Did it feel like a burden having me live with you all?”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” I screwed up my face in confusion. “We fought tooth and nail to have you there. We wouldn’t have had you anywhere else.”
“Exactly. You aren’t a burden to me either. Jax and I want to be there for you. You have to let me be there for you because I will be whether you like it or not.”