“Sure thing. We’ll get her a plane ticket. Guillermo wants someone keeping tabs on you anyway. I’d rather Mikka be there for all that. You agreed to drug tests and I think that’s best. You know, just to make Guillermo happy.”
My questioning gaze shot to Jay’s. This was the first time I’d heard of drug testing. “I’m sorry, Bob. I didn’t agree to—”
“I have another call coming in.” Bob’s voice bellowed over mine. “I’m looking forward to seeing your progress in the next month, Jay. I’ll have other script details sent over.”
The phone screen lit up with the “call ended” sign.
Jay turned down another road, and I realized we were only five minutes from my building. I had to shut down this idea and keep my home life separate from him, from everyone.
“I can’t go anywhere. I can’t just uproot my life for a month. I have priorities.”
“We just got rid of those priorities,” he said with no emotion in his voice now.
“My mother is in San Francisco; she could need me.”
“She doesn’t ever need you. She’s as fierce as you, woman. And you barely visit her. She’s fine. You and I both know it.”
“Well, I…” I stuttered. “Dougie needs me too.”
“Does he, though, or does he need a punching bag?” His question was without emotion but so cold I felt the degrees within my car lowering.
I reared back and glared at him. “What are you insinuating?”
“Something’s wrong, Meek. I don’t know what, but I know you don’t look like you do without something being very, very wrong.”
“Look like what?”
“You’re a shell of yourself.” He stared ahead as he turned on his signal to veer onto the road of my apartment building.
“I told you it’s just been hard. Dougie and I have had some disagreements but nothing of that sort.”
“Really?” he ground out.
“Really.” I folded my arms over my cream blouse as if to shield his eyes from the bruises I knew were under it.
“That’s two times you’ve lied to me on this drive, woman. I promise you I’ll break that new habit as quickly as possible. I’m starting with getting you out of this fucking mess of a relationship.” His jaw ticked. “A long time ago, I made the mistake of ignoring the signs with Brey. I won’t do that with you.”
“Nothing’s wrong,” I whispered.
“Three lies, Meek!” he yelled and I jerked back. He saw it, my recoil, the one my body automatically made now. I was ashamed when he winced at the movement I couldn’t suppress. “Not me, little one. Don’t be afraid of me.” His voice was pleading, full of the pain I knew he felt more than most. “You’re done with him, with this bullshit of being scared. We end this now, even if that means we drag you kicking and screaming to Greenville with me. I got a drug problem and it seems you have a habit you can’t quit either. I’m happy to remedy one of those issues now. You coming up to your apartment with me or not?”
His hand was on his door handle, poised and ready. What could I say to make this go away? How could I get the truth I wanted so badly to hide out of his head?
He cocked a brow at me. “Either way, I’m going, Meek.”
“Just…” My heart raced, galloping toward an outcome that felt out of control. We were going down the hill toward chaos so fast, I was sure a wheel would fly off and send us careening into destruction. And I couldn’t stop it. I’d lost the reins and couldn’t scramble fast enough to pick them back up.
I could lie. I could keep trying to get around the truth.
I saw his rage as I sat in silence, though. Jay’s was different. He didn’t show it on the surface. It didn’t fill his face with red blotches and tighten all of his muscles. He didn’t look ready to burst and take his anger out on me. Jay held himself steady, quiet, filled with a confidence that he knew he could control the emotion even if he was feeling it more than anyone else. He’d never lashed out, never wavered from his fun-loving personality even in his blackout moments where drugs stole his conscious decision-making skills.
When I looked back at Dougie, I saw the signs. I knew them all perfectly now. I sat there disappointed in myself night after night when I combed through all the clues like Carmen San Diego. I’d had a 98% average in my Psychology class where we discussed signs of abusive tendencies and still, I’d missed every single one.
“I just need a minute.” I sighed and closed my eyes, willing my emotions to stay locked up. “I need probably a year but just give me at least a minute.”
He put his head to the steering wheel. “Damn, I didn’t want to be right but I am, aren’t I?”
I didn’t answer him.