chapter SIX
Lesson of the Day:
A true friend listens closely to the things you never say.
Mikka
I went back. I’d told myself I wasn’t a victim of abuse, that Dougie just slipped up and we would work it all out. Him and I were so much different than the classic case of domestic violence.
So.
I went back to Dougie.
He’d been the boyfriend I’d had for so long and the man that hadn’t ever hurt me before. I had been convinced that this was going to be the man I would be with forever, the one I wanted to marry and share my life with. We’d even discussed marriage in the past.
To start over, to leave all the effort we’d put in behind wasn’t fathomable to me. It’d been so long since something like this had happened and it only did because I’d confessed to kissing someone else.
I realized I’d broken him; I’d snapped his control and turned him into someone I didn’t recognize. My actions had pushed him over the edge and I wanted to be the person to pull him back. He became the assignment I needed to complete, the test I’d failed but could ace a second time. He was the only wrinkle in my dress. If I could iron this out with him, we wouldn’t crash into a mess together. We’d soar high instead.
Yet, he beat me every couple of days while Jay was in rehab. Our relationship became a rollercoaster of his viciousness and then his complete remorse moments after.
I bought a lot of great makeup in those days to cover up the damage. I definitely would have aced cosmetology school.
I didn’t visit my mother and I didn’t really have any friends but Jay. The other clients that I PA-ed for didn’t look twice.
The agency couldn’t tell. I did my work flawlessly. With Jay missing from the LA scene, the tabloids speculated enough that I had to work tirelessly to keep rumors of his drug addiction at bay. Everyone complimented me on doing a wonderful job and there was even one time when a secretary mentioned that I looked great with my new eyeshadow and a few less pounds. She wanted to know if I’d been working out.
I’d been working on my relationship. That was about it.
When Jay called, I was like a rabid animal who hadn’t been in a warm, safe place in decades. I lunged for my phone. When he said he was ready to come home, to pick him up, I sat in my bathroom and cried.
The agency called soon after. They wanted him to do outpatient therapy in his hometown, Greenville, for another month. It would work perfectly as that’s where they wanted to film the last scenes. Bob mentioned I could go if I wanted to also.
It was a blessing and a curse.
You see, Jay had just conquered his addiction. He’d faced it dead on and won. Now, in order for him to do his very best as an actor, I was supposed to confront Dougie with the idea of spending time in another town halfway across the country for my job.
With the one man Dougie would never trust me with.
I pulled on my best dark jeans, a light cream blouse, and swiped some lip gloss on while I took deep breaths and tried to weigh my options. Dougie and I had to get better. We were trying. He was trying and he’d been so nice the past couple of days. He’d cooked dinner, cleaned dishes, and told me I was the best part of his life.
I didn’t want to risk telling him that I had to pick up Jay, that I might need to go with him to Greenville. Then again, I prided myself on the job I did. It was the part of the job I loved. I’d get to see the last scenes be filmed and I’d get to help keep Jay on track. He needed that. He needed me.
I didn’t know which path to take but I knew I had to keep moving forward. It was the first time I saw failure in my future, one way or the other.
Pulling up to the facility in my white luxury sedan felt different this time. I didn’t know how I was going to be able to face Jay and keep everything together. I was different, changed by my own problems. And I needed to be strong for Jay.
Yet, when he emerged from the facility’s doors, my beige stilettos stayed glued to the floor mats and my hands shook on the steering wheel. He walked out all clean lines, full of confidence, and completely put together. His bright, focused eyes looked aware and his smile was a mile wide. My core ached for him immediately and my body reacted in a way it never should for a friend that could only be just that. A friend.
Not a lover.
I took deep breaths. Then, I popped the trunk and got out to greet him.
His smile dropped the minute he saw me. “Meek?” he whispered.
The nickname from his lips had tears springing into my eyes. I shook my head and held out a hand when he approached me quickly with his suitcase. “Don’t hug me. I’ll just end up a blubbering mess. Let’s get you loaded up and go. We can talk once we’re driving.”
He growled and shoved my hand out of the way to take the hug I was trying to deny him. He breathed in like he was breathing in my smell, my spirit, my soul. “I missed you. Damn, I missed you.”