Silence descended over my apartment, and I knew they were all throwing looks at each other. Rome must have won because he spun and grabbed my arm to pull me to my room.
I followed, probably because I couldn’t find a thing to say to any of them. I couldn’t explain what I was going through. I couldn’t explain my feelings. I couldn’t do anything because I didn’t know anything. My world had crumbled, the floor was gone from beneath my feet, the air had been sucked from my lungs, and my vision was probably playing tricks on me.
“What happened this morning?” he asked as he closed the door.
I sank onto my bed and stared at my knees like they would give me an answer.
“Brey, you have to talk. You have to let it out. Whatever it is.”
“I can’t,” I whispered. “I don’t know how.”
“Try, baby girl.” He sat down next to me.
“Everything I thought, everything I knew, it isn’t.” I sighed and put my face in my hands. “Nothing is as it seems.”
“Life normally isn’t. Remember, you’ve been through the worst, and you still got through it.”
“Was it the worst though?”
“Even if it wasn’t, you’re strong enough to get through it. You’re you. You fight, you bleed, you fall, you get back up. You don’t give up. You survive.”
“What if all I’ve been doing is surviving?”
“Then you’ll start living today, baby girl. Life’s not over.”
I let his words roll over me and let myself absorb it, know it, and own it. I had to. It was the only way I was going to get through the rest of the day.
As I stood up, I pushed the flurry of emotions down and mentally pulled up my big-girl pants. “You’re right.”
As I said the words, both of our phones chimed and within a couple seconds both Katie and Vick were bursting into my room.
Katie yelled, “What in the flying fuck, Brey?”
Vick, at the same time, yelled, “You went to visit that monster without telling us?”
Both pummeled at me then hugged me without an answer. I didn’t return their embrace. I just said, “I can’t talk about it, you guys. I just can’t.”
Vick started to protest but Katie threw a death stare around the room. “Vick, don’t. And, Rome, you fucking knew.”
He started to deny it but she cut him off. “Don’t try to lie. I’m already thinking of a way to kill you slowly.”
His mouth snapped shut.
My phone rang, but Katie moved as fast as a python striking to turn it off.
“Everyone should probably silence their phones,” Vick announced.
“So, the media got the word out about me going to see him then?”
“It’s out there.” Katie let out a frustrated sigh.
“Fuck.” I let the swear slip. “I forgot about the launch. I forgot about everything when I went this morning, honestly. And after today, it doesn’t matter. Jax and I are over, but I didn’t want to harm his launch or the app. I just ... I had to go.”
They all stared at me like I’d spoken in a different language.
Katie was the first to say something. “You and Jax aren’t over.”
Vick and Rome stayed silent as I tossed my glare around the room. “Of course we are, Katie.”