I placed my hand on his chest and felt his heart thundering. “Father always kept the keys on him, and you’ve never—not once—done something without calculating the odds. I knew, Jax.”
“But that summer, you never said anything.”
“I didn’t care.” I corrected myself, “I don’t care.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “Part of me is fucked up from that.”
I rubbed his chest wanting to soothe him but not having the right words.
“Fucked up not because I was capable of it but because I didn’t accomplish it.”
“Does it make me fucked up that I still want him to die too? That I still want to conquer him in some way after all these years?” I whispered.
He sighed. “You don’t have to conquer him, Peaches. I don’t want you fucking near him. I want you to forget he exists.”
It was my turn to sigh. This Jax I rarely saw anymore. He was calculated when it came to his emotions, so much so that people thought he didn’t have any. I knew though, he wanted to protect what he loved, not thinking of anything more or less. “I never asked you to do that. I didn't want that from you ever. I just wanted—”
“I know,” he whispered, like it pained him. “It wasn't just about knowing you could move on without facing him because I couldn't. It started out like it was about you, and now, it’s an addiction to bring him to his knees, to leave him with nothing.”
His words spiraled around me. My mind spun too fast to keep up with all the emotions, yet the one I could ultimately decipher out of the mix was doubt. “Jax, that’s not possible.”
His eyes snapped to mine, and in them, I saw a fire so blue and so cold, it would burn whoever looked long enough at it. “Yes, it is.”
I wanted to push more, argue more, be consumed by him more.
I just wanted more.
I grappled to find the control I needed though. The look in his eyes told me I wasn’t getting more and I needed to digest what he’d given me anyway.
As I zipped my dress, I heard him from behind, “You always hated fitted dresses like this.”
I sucked in a bit of breath. “You remember that?”
“You were so stiff at that charity event back in high school. I couldn’t understand why. I thought you were scared to disappoint your parents. Turns out, you were just uncomfortable in the dress.”
I hid my smile as I grabbed the last of my belongings. “I’m sure I was a little scared too.”
“Were you scared to come here today?”
“I’m always a little scared to face you.” It was an admission I wouldn’t have given him before.
He grunted. “The dress is lethal. It somehow hides and shows everything.”
I smiled outright this time. “Mission accomplished.”
“One day, when this is more than just casual, I’ll burn it.” Casual rolled like acid off his tongue.
“If we become more than casual, Jax, and that’s a big if.” With that, I walked out, knowing his jaw was ticking behind me.