Can’t we?
I lean down and pick Orion up and cuddle him close. I’ve gotten so used to sleeping with him every night. It would be hard to change that. If that’s what I’m about to do. My eyes draw to the bag I’ve set on the bed and already packed half full. Am I really going to run? Will this always be my life? Will I keep having to start over again every time they find me? Will I find a place and start to settle in to only have the rug pulled out from under me?
I kiss Orion on the head before setting him on the bed. As much as I’ll miss him, I know I’m going to miss Sully more. I barely know the man, but there is something about him that holds a piece of me that will always belong to him no matter where I end up in life.
My fingers go to my necklace. I let the ring sit on the tip of my ring finger. I’ve never actually let it slide down my finger before. My dream has always been for the man I would marry one day to do that, but I’m not so sure that will ever be in the cards for me. Not in this reality, at least. And definitely not if my father or Jeremiah have any say in my future. I’ll never let them get their hands on this ring. I reach around and unclip it, letting it slip away while my other hand catches it.
In the handful of short stories I’ve written with the laptop Dixie gave me when she got herself a new one, I married Sully every time at the end of them. I know it’s only fantasy, but it’s nice to dream that one day I will get my very own happily ever after. Not that anyone knows that except me and my computer.
I suppose some of those people on that website I’ve been putting them on know too. Others like me post their sexy little fantasies. I have as much fun writing mine as I do reading others. I had no idea I had it in me to even write such things, but after reading some of other peoples’ stories, my own started to come to life right at my own fingertips.
Computers aren’t completely foreign to me. Father always had me keeping his books and balancing out all kinds of forms and often typing up his sermons as he practiced them in front of me in the living room. I’d actually gotten rather fast at typing. I considered myself lucky that I was allowed to learn some sort of skill besides taking care of the home. Most of the women out on the land had roles that focused on that.
Once I’d put my fingertips to the keys with no one looking over my shoulder, thoughts of Sully filled my head, and all kinds of sinful things started to come out. At first, I’d have us married before we’d even kiss. Then over time, my stories would start to play with that line. I don’t know what it was about being bad and what some would call sinning with Sully before he was mine in every way. But it made my body ache in ways I longed for even if it hurt in the best of ways.
“Sully will take care of you,” I tell Orion.
He tilts his head, his big green eyes staring at me with so much trust. “He even got you this fancy collar.” Orion wasn’t a giant fan of it, but Sully swore he needed it to keep him safe, so I’ve left it on him. “Okay, fine, you win. You can come with me, but we’re going to do bad things,” I warn him before I toss more things into my bag.
I wish I could stay, but I know my father and Jeremiah. They will rain down their own kind of hell on the people who are trying to protect me. They will see them as the devil and will do what they need to free me of them. I can’t let that happen to Sully, Dixie, Charlie or even Roxie. I’ll never be able to live with myself if something bad happens to them. I can’t let my sins hurt them. They’ve been so good to me. It always makes my head hurt because how are these people considered the bad ones like I’ve been told my whole life? I don’t know what is good or bad anymore. Sometimes, I wonder if I’m a bit crazy.
When my bag is packed, I get Orion in his little carrier and wait for darkness to fall. The idea I’m having makes me believe I really am crazy. When the clock finally slips past midnight, I grab my things and slip out the back door and head toward Sully’s garage. I slowly open it. The door is heavier than I thought it would be. I open the passenger side door of his truck and set my things inside before I go to the back wall and open the box where the keys hang.