Ever.
No matter how much her body wanted to convince her otherwise.
She had spent another sleepless night thinking about him. Even worse, she had even begun to daydream about him kissing her, touching her, making love to her. It was nothing more than simple physiological responses to a good-looking guy. And Luke wasverygood-looking.
That was the problem.
She was sure of it.
That and the fact that they’d met on Valentine’s Day.
“Come on, it will be fun to hang out, it’ll be like old times,” Aggie was saying.
Maybe it might help to spend some time with her friends, it could be a good distraction. And she hadn’t seen Aggie’s sisters in a while. She’d kind of been avoiding Clara since Brady had been born. Being around the newborn and his mother reminded her that she would never have kids of her own because she’d never be in a relationship. Even though she knew that and had accepted it a long time ago, she had been feeling broody lately. But today she thought it might be good for her to see the baby. It might help her to accept her life the way it was and move on.
“Summer?”
“Yeah, okay, I’ll come to dinner, but I'm not staying late, I haven't been sleeping well, and I want to try to get to bed early tonight.”
“Don’t you think it might help to talk about it?”
“No,” she answered immediately. “Talking about it isn’t going to change anything.”
“I disagree. And how can you really know whether or not it would help if you’ve never tried? Being on your own can't really be what you want, it can't be how you envisioned your life turning out.”
It wasn't how she had envisioned her life turning out, but she couldn’t change what had happened. “I'm not like you, Aggie. I'm not driven to be in a relationship, it’s not what consumes me.” She had lost count of the number of failed relationships her friend had had because she was so driven to get married.
“I know you're not, but being alone, forever, can't make you happy,” Aggie said softly.
It didn’t make her happy. When she was being honest with herself, she admitted that if things were different, she would get married and have kids and live out her happily ever after with the man of her dreams. But this was real life, not a fairytale, and she had to make the most of the hand life had dealt her.
She wished that things were different.
Some days she wished so hard it hurt. Physically hurt.
But how could she have a life when …
“Hey, I don’t see any other cars parked in your driveway or outside your house,” she said as they approached Aggie and Nick’s house. This was a setup. “Where is everyone else?”
“Umm, well, Naomi’s been having pretty bad morning sickness, only she’s been having it at night, so she’s home in bed resting, and Sam’s with her because, well, you know how protective he is of her. And Brady has a little cold, so Clara and Jonathon don’t want to bring him out on such a cold night,” Aggie rambled sheepishly.
“So, it’s just you, me, and Nick?” she asked, already suspicious.
“And Luke.” Aggie looked even more sheepish.
“So really this dinner with our friends that will be like old times was really just a ruse to get me and Luke in the same room?” Summer tried to inject some indignation into her tone but much to her irritation she was a little excited by the prospect of seeing Luke again.
“Kind of,” Aggie agreed, then grinned. “You have been there for me so many times, Summer. Helped me more times than I can count and supported me when I was making bad decision after bad decision. I'm trying to help you. Don’t completely give up on the idea of being happy, not yet, at least give Luke a chance.”
Part of her wanted to, but there were too many doubts in her head, and she didn’t know how to overcome them.
She was afraid.
Afraid that she was right and she deserved to be alone forever.
Afraid that she was wrong.
Afraid that Luke might be the one to put a crack in the wall she had carefully constructed around herself.