“Don’t know what the fuck to say, brother. I’m just gonna sit here, so you aren’t alone. We don’t have to say shit if you don’t wanna, just know, I’m here.”
I nod. I’m not a talker, but I’m so damn mad inside, I should open my mouth. If I don’t get it out somehow and drown it with the alcohol, I’m liable to throw a couple bodies in a dumpster and light that shit on fire.
“Truthfully…I want to kill someone right now.”
“Bet. Want to head into Austin to one of the bars? We may at least find a fight.”
Draining the rest of the Jack, I turn his way. “Let’s fucking do it. I need to pound something, and a low-life piece of shit may help get some of it out.”
“All right then.” He lets out a sharp whistle, calling everyone’s attention. “Bitches need to stay back, we’re gonna take care of some shit.”
The club sluts look disappointed, a few wives worried, but the guys? They’re up for a good fight any day of the week. Most of us have demons inside we like to expunge when we have the chance to, and tonight’s definitely one of them. I need to hurt someone, to get this blackness out that’s trying to take over my heart.
We all load up on our bikes, the rumble of the club rolling out together sounding more of an angry roar. No doubt they’ll hear us coming, wherever we end up. May God be on their side, ‘cause they’re damn sure gonna need His help tonight.
I slept terrible last night. I couldn’t stop crying, and now my face is so puffy, I look like I ate a giant marshmallow. Princess was livid. It's been a long time since I’ve seen her that upset over something and it was directed at me.
She feels like she’s helped me betray her ol’ man by keeping my secret. I hate that she thinks that. It was entirely my fault; I take full responsibility for it.
Sure, I didn’t tell Viking, and neither did she, but Princess believed that she was just keeping mine and Nightmare’s business private. But it was only my business since Nightmare didn’t even know about it.
I can’t believe it went down like that last night; what a clusterfuck. I can’t be angry at my best friend for saying something; I can only be upset at myself over this whole thing. I shouldn’t have kept Maverick’s existence from Nightmare; but, at the time, I believed I was doing the right thing. I felt like I was protecting my son, and I would most likely do the same thing if I were to go through it again.
Night was livid; I’ve never seen him like that. But was he angry because I kept Maverick secret from him, or was he angry that he has a child? Or that he has a kid and didn’t know about it? Is he happy about it at all?
I know he was mad, but know nothing else. I wish he’d have told me his feelings last night. We’re supposed to talk today, and part of me is terrified he’s going to kill me.
“He’s going to kill me,” I whisper it out loud, a tear dropping free, and Princess shakes her head.
She glances at Maverick sitting on the couch, watching cartoons with his bowl of cereal. “He won’t. If it weren’t for you being Mav’s mom, though, he probably would have last night.”
“You’re not helping.”
“I’m just keeping it real with you. He won’t hurt you; he knows Maverick needs his momma.”
“Everyone in the club is going to hate me now, too.” Sighing, I shake my head. I don’t want them to hate me.
“They won’t hate you, but they probably won’t say much to you either. What you did affects Nightmare, and that affects the club. They’ll all wait to see how he treats you first because that’s their brother.”
“I should just go.” My lip trembles, feeling absolutely horrible inside. I don’t want to be here with everyone angry at me. My son doesn’t need to see or feel that either. This trip was supposed to be fun, and I’ve managed to ruin it.
“No, that’s the last thing you should do. Look, you ran and hid the last time, B, and that didn’t work out so well for you in the end. I believe Nightmare when he says he’ll hunt you down. It’ll be much worse if he has to go looking for you versus you staying and facing the music.”
“I can’t let Maverick see him hurt me. I promised myself that my son will never experience abuse or hate. It doesn’t matter if it’s directed toward me; I don’t want him to be around it at all.”
“I told you, Nightmare won’t hurt you, not like that. You should’ve thought about this shit when you first moved. I still don’t get what you were thinking. Protecting your baby, yes; but keeping him from his father is no good, Bethany. You really dug a deep hole.”
“I know, fuck.” Swiping at the tears, I attempt to pull myself together. I don’t want Mav seeing me like this. He’ll freak out if he witnesses me crying and will probably start crying too.
“What should I do?”
“About which part?” She hands me another tissue.
“All of it.”
“You pull your big girl panties on and deal with it, babe.”
“I hate panties,” I grumble, and she laughs. It’s the first time since before all this blew up in my face. “You think he’ll want to be a dad?”