She couldn’t think like that. After Papa…she would not allow herself to think that Greg was gone. She couldn’t.
Bella sagged against the door, her throat raw from screaming and her knuckles bloody from pounding to no avail. And once she stopped, she couldn’t hear anything through the door. No talking, no crying, not one sound. It was almost as though no one was there, almost as though Chatham House was completely empty except for her.
She glanced around her room and her gaze settled on her window. It would be a long drop to the ground outside, but if no one was home, they wouldn’t hear her if she escaped, would they? She could make it to Clayworth House in less than ten minutes if she walked quickly. It would take a lot longer if she injured herself in the drop, and if no one heard her.
Just as she started for the window to see just how long a drop it would be, the door to her chamber opened and her grandfather stood just in the corridor glowering at her.
“Finally stopped shrieking, I see.”
Oh, she was so exhausted. Her throat ached, her arms ached, her heart ached. Her cheeks burned from all of her tears, but a fresh wave washed over her again. “Where’s Lord Avery?”
Her grandfather snorted in disbelief as he stepped into her room. “That really is not your concern anymore.”
Of course it was her concern. “Grandfather—”
The icy look in his eyes made her suck in a breath.
“I’m certain Watts saw him safely returned to his home, Arabella. But he is not your concern any longer.” He shook his head as though he was annoyed to even tell her that.
“And Prissa?” she asked. What had he done with her sister? Had she been locked away in her chambers too? Or—
“Asleep,” he grumbled. “Now sit down.”
Laudanum. He’d had Doctor Watts give her some laudanum, hadn’t he? The look in her grandfather’s eyes kept her from asking that question. He was far from patient on his best day and this was far from that. So she sat on the edge of her four-poster, her gaze darting past her grandfather as she wondered if she could beat him to the door. Bolting her way through Chatham House to freedom would be immeasurably safer than leaping from the window, but he was much closer to the door than she was, and she didn’t think she could make it past him.
“Tomorrow I’ll secure a special license and you will marry Johann before heading across the Channel.”
The air whooshed out of her. Why was he doing this? Why was he so intent on being so awful to her? There was no reason for any of it. “Lord Avery wants to marry me. Why can’t you—”
“He wouldn’t if he knew the truth about you, and—”
“That I’m strange?” she nearly shrieked. “He doesn’t think I’m strange. He adores me. He—”
“That you’re the bastard daughter of your whore mother,” he spat. “And Johann will make certain I never have to see you again.”
The room spun slightly. Or perhaps that was just Bella’s entire world. “I beg your pardon?”
Her grandfather shook his head in annoyance. “Your entire life I’ve been made to suffer your existence. A constant reminder that my son was made a goddamned cuckold. Why Aylesford claimed you I’ve never understood. But I will not have you tainting Priscilla with your presence any longer.”
Bella was…a bastard? A wave of nausea washed over her. She couldn’t be. Could she? But then little comments she’d heard from her grandfather throughout her life echoed in her ears. His hatred, his derision made so much more sense when seen through that particular lens. Oh dear God. Her world really was spinning. Papa wasn’t her father. And he’d known that her whole life? Was that true?
“Under the circumstances, you’re getting a lot better than you deserve with Johann. But you will not return to England once you leave. Am I clear?”
That was why he wanted her so far away? That was why he’d always hated her? Did he know who her father was? Was he sure it wasn’t Papa? Papa had always loved her. Would he have done so if she was a constant reminder of an unfaithful wife?
“Am I clear?” the duke barked.
Bella blinked at him. “I beg your pardon?”
“Even now your goddamned head is in the clouds,” he complained. “You will not return to England.”
He was sending her to Prussia…but that was the last thing in the world she wanted for her future, tainted even as she was. Life with Johann couldn’t be all she had to look forward to. But that wasn’t what the duke expected to hear, and appeasing him now might be the only thing that could save her. “Yes, Grandfather.”
“And you will not call me that, any longer.” He turned around and left her alone in her chambers.
Bella fell back against her pillows and wept a fresh round of tears even though her cheeks burned. She could jump from her window, but where was she going to run to? She couldn’t run to Greg, not now, now that she knew who she was, or who she wasn’t rather. That would never be fair to him, and she loved him too much to taint his name with her unfortunate circumstances. If she defied Grandfa…the duke, he would see the truth of her parentage spread about Town, Bella had no doubt. He was mean and vindictive and… Greg would be ruined.
Goodness, where was she going to go? She couldn’t expect help from any of her…well, they weren’t her cousins anymore, were they? Still, she couldn’t count on any of them. Lissy was still in Derbyshire. But perhaps she could beg Cordie Clayworth to help her one last time. But she’d have to tell her the truth of all of it, and Bella wasn’t certain she could look the countess in the face to do so.