“You can rest assured, Mr Hayman.”
The two shared a sad yet understanding look between them and Matilda quickly pulled her hand out from beneath his when she heard the telltale sound of Lady Amy’s footsteps hurrying back toward them.
“I think perhaps I ought to return to our lesson,” Matilda advised, hoping that Mr Hayman would appreciate the need to continue with his best friend’s daughter education above all else.
“Yes, of course,” Mr Hayman said with a quick nod, “Do not let me get in your way.”
Yet there was a disappointment to his tone the likes of which he could not hide and Matilda stood up feeling quite uncertain of herself, of whether she ought to have rejected him or not. After what had happened between her and the Duke the night before she knew that there could never be anything between her and Mr Hayman.
Do I regret that?she wondered, trying her hardest to imagine what it might have been like during that conversation if she and Watson had not shared the night together. Deep down in her gut she knew that it did not really matter whether or not she and the Duke had been physical. It would not have changed a thing. Either way, her heart beat for him and that scared her more than anything else in the world.
“Matilda, Papa’s carriage is coming up the driveway!” Lady Amy announced in a squeal as soon as she joined them. She was practically bouncing up and own with excitement. Matilda’s heart skipped a beat at hearing the Duke was returning from whatever business he had in town.
Has he been with Lady Florentia?She could not help but think but then she quickly forced the thought away. It did not matter where he had been and truly, she had no right to question it. All that mattered was that he was home and that he had returned to them.
Glancing around, she saw Mr Hayman looking at her hopefully once more. Certain she knew exactly what he was thinking, she gave him a reassuring smile that said she would not betray his trust.
“Perhaps we should all go out to meet him?” Mr Hayman suggested, rising to his feet. Lady Amy looked even more excited at that, looking at Matilda with a hopeful glint in her eye.
“Can we, Matilda?”
“Of course we can,” Matilda responded. “I am sure your father would welcome such a warm greeting.”
Though she blinked for only a second, it was long enough for her to imagine what it might be like if she were able to greet the Duke as she wished to. She imagined what it would be like to greet him at the bottom of the porch steps with a kiss and a warm embrace, to tell him of her day and ask how his had been. Instead, she would be forced to stand aside while Lady Amy and Mr Hayman greeted him, as they truly were the only ones who could show even the slightest hint of affection toward the Duke.
Control yourself, Matilda,she warned herself even as she and the others travelled through the house to meet the Duke on the porch. Standing there with her head bowed while Lady Amy and Mr Hayman greeted him. It was not until they all started to make their way up the steps with smiles on their faces that Matilda felt the Duke’s eyes on her. Unable to control herself, Matilda lifted her gaze to meet his and found him smiling at her so warmly that it made her heart skip a beat.
“Miss Percival,” he said, joining her on the top step of the porch with a brilliantly charming smile that caused her knees to grow weak, “I trust that you have had a good day.”
Struggling to speak past the sudden lump in her throat, Matilda quickly took a moment to curtsey, hoping to compose herself. When she stood at full height once more, she returned his smile, hoping that it did not look as awkward as it was feeling. “I have had a wonderful day, Your Grace. I trust you have had a good one also.”
“Yes,” he responded and the way his gaze darkened, the seductive expression that fell upon his face, made Matilda’s heart stop all together, “Though it has gotten twice as good now that I am home.”
Matilda was more than a little pleased that Lady Amy and Mr Hayman were still standing a couple of steps below the Duke and could not see his face. She could only hope that they could not see hers either because she was certain that all of the colour had drained from her entire face, save for her cheeks that felt as though they were absolutely on fire.
“Heath,” the Duke said, half breaking the spell he had cast over her as he turned and glanced over his shoulder at his friend, “will you not join us all for dinner this evening, seeing as you are already here?”
For a few seconds, Matilda was alarmed. To have both him and Mr Hayman in the same room for any length of time after all that had just occurred, she could not think of anything worse. She was extremely relieved and a little guilty when Mr Hayman quickly responded, “Thank you for the offer, Watson, but I am afraid I have dinner reservations elsewhere this evening.”
“Perhaps another time then,” Watson suggested.
“Of course,” Mr Hayman said. “I would not miss it.”
Matilda glanced around the Duke to see that Mr Hayman was looking at her and the expression upon his face suggested to her that he had not been entirely telling the truth. She suspected that he did not have other plans for dinner after all, and her guilt only grew.
This was exactly what I did not want to have happen!she thought with extreme frustration at the thought that even though she had tried to do the right thing, she had still somehow come between the two best friends. And what was worse was, the Duke had no idea about it.
All she could hope was that Mr Hayman had not seen what had been exchanged between the two of them. If he had, then he might begin to question her rejection all the more, and she most definitely was not ready for that.
“Papa, can Matilda join us for dinner?” Lady Amy asked, reaching her father’s side and tugging on his hand as though she thought it was the only way she could truly get his attention. Even Matilda could see the absolute pleading in her gaze as she did so and it warmed her heart, breaking a little of the coldness that had been caused by her feeling of sudden guilt.
“Of course,” the Duke responded, glancing at Matilda with yet another smile. “Matilda is always welcome at our table.”
Again, the Duke’s words and the way he looked at her sent a shiver down Matilda’s spine. There was no mistaking that he was thinking of their night together just as much as she had been. It was next to impossible to forget, especially after all the things she had felt and experienced during that time. She could only hope that the Duke felt as fondly about it as she did. Otherwise, she was certain that she was an absolute fool.
Am I not anyway?she asked herself. She thought of declining the offer to dinner and yet something inside her would not allow her to do so. She could not think of anything worse than sitting alone in her room eating her supper while she knew that the Duke and his daughter were downstairs without her, likely talking of all the good things she and Amy had done throughout the day.
They are my family,she told herself, remembering how the Duke always insisted that they were so.And family eats together.