Not that it mattered. I couldn't get involved with him.
So, uh, why was I holding his hand?
My voice had a mind of its own and decided to tell him everything. "I have a habit of picking the wrong guys. I convinced myself I should be with Ollie because he's such a sweetie, and I knew he'd never hurt me the way other guys have. But I had no business getting involved with him when I'd just broken up with Grant."
"Ollie says things were good when he was with you."
"Yeah, it was good. So of course, I trashed it." I pulled my hand free of Damian's and hugged myself. "Grant can be very charming, especially when he's making me believe he loves me even when I know how many times he's cheated. Shelby told her boyfriend about me and Ollie, and her boyfriend told somebody else who happened to know Grant. When Grant found out I was with someone else, he called me and begged me to take him back."
"He used his charm to convince you."
"Like I said, Grant is good at that. It was the fifth time he'd cheated on me, that I know of, but I believed it when he said he loved me and he'd never do it again." I levered my body up into a sitting position but kept hugging myself. "Like an idiot, I fell for his lies again. For six months, I struggled to make it work with him, until I realized I'd made a huge mistake. I should never have broken up with Ollie, that's what I thought. So when the Kitten Brigade came back here for a vacation, I convinced myself I needed to win Ollie back. I think you know the rest of that story."
"Uh-huh." Damian sat up, braced with one hand on the ground. He studied me for a moment like he was considering how to tell me what a pathetic moron I was. He didn't say that, though. Instead, he laid a hand on my knee and said, "You don't have to tell me, but I'd like to know the real reason you dumped Ollie and kept going back to Grant. It's not only because of his charm, is it?"
Damn, sometimes I hated how perceptive Damian was. How could I hide from the truth when he kept gently guiding me toward it? Maybe I should've told him to buzz off, but instead, I did the last thing I should've wanted to do.
I told him the truth.
"Guess I've always felt like I don't deserve a good man," I said. "Whenever I find one, I shove him away. Ollie wasn't the first nice guy I dumped for no good reason. I have a bad habit of ditching the good ones and latching on to the assholes who have charm and sweet words on their side."
"Why do you think you don't deserve someone who appreciates you?"
"Because…" I dropped my face into my hands, feeling the sting of tears trying to form. I did not want to cry in front of Damian—or anyone, but especially not him.
He pried my hands away from my face and held them sandwiched between his palms. "You don't have to tell me. But if you want to, I'll listen. I'm your friend, if you want me to be."
Gazing into his earnest eyes, I couldn't remember why I kept pushing him away and telling him I didn't want more than friendship. Damian was so kind and patient and thoughtful. He was also drop-dead sexy and amazing in bed, not to mention a great kisser. The only other guy I'd known who had all those qualities was Ollie, though I'd never slept with him. And I'd never wanted him the way I wanted Damian.
"I don't want to blame my parents," I said, "but they have used me as a pawn in their arguments. It always feels like they want me to choose between them. I can't do that. Whatever their faults are, they're still my parents, and I won't get rid of one of them to make the other happy. So I've tried to please them both, which just winds up with both of them getting mad, at each other and me. Guess I made up for not being able to make my parents happy by trying to make men happy. Maybe that's why I pick jerks. Maybe that's all I deserve because I'm so damn screwed up."
"You are not screwed up, Heidi."
"Of course I am. I let you make love to me, then I ran away." I tore my hands free of his. "You're a nice guy. You should go find a girl who won't drive you insane with her neurotic behavior."
"If you're trying to dump me, you can't do that. We're not a couple, right? That's what you keep saying. And that means you can't give me the big heave-ho." He leaned in, his mouth a breath from mine. "You're stuck with me."
"So you're going to stalk me because I had sex with you."
"No." He brushed his thumb over my bottom lip. "I'm going to be the best friend you've ever had. I'll give you so much awesome friendship that you won't be able to live without me."
"Why do you bother with me? I'm a mess."
He sighed, regarding me in silence while keeping his lips within kissing distance. Then he picked me up and stood, cradling me in his arms. "Let's go to the lake and swim."
"I don't have my swimsuit."
"This is a nudist resort, Heidi. No swimsuit required." He set me down, settling his hands on my hips. "But we can walk on the beach if you'd rather."
"Okay."
While he led me away from the meadow, I tried to figure out what Damian was really after. He couldn't want to date me. I told him what a mess I was, and he responded by sighing and staring at me, right before he suggested a nude swim. Would I ever understand Damian Petrescu?
Not likely.
Chapter Fourteen
Damian