"Putting your hand on my leg."
"But you just said—I'm confused, Heidi. What the hell do you want me to do or not do?"
"I…" She pushed my hand off her leg, and I swore her cheeks turned faintly pink. "That was completely inappropriate. I'm sorry."
She jumped up, clearly about to flee.
"Where are you going?" Mara asked as she and Ollie returned to the table. "Heidi, we brought you food."
Mara held up the two plates she had in her hands. Ollie held up two plates too.
Heidi hurried around to the other side of the table. "I'd rather sit by you and Eve. You know, girls on one side, boys on the other. Doesn't that sound like fun?"
Though Mara seemed less than convinced by Heidi's announcement, she carried her two plates to the opposite side of the table, setting one down in front of Heidi. Mara sat down with her plate.
Ollie scrunched up his eyebrows, clearly confused.
Yeah, I was right there with him.
Mara gave Ollie a stern look, nodding her head in a gesture I was pretty sure meant she was ordering him to sit down on the boys' side of the table.
Ollie shook his head and took the chair beside me, handing me a plate. He leaned toward me and whispered, "What did you do?"
"Nothing. I think Heidi's got a Jekyll-and-Hyde thing going on."
"I told you to leave her alone."
"She's an adult, Ollie. Neither of us gets to tell Heidi what to do or who to do it with." Not that I'd done much of anything. She kissed me, and somehow, I became the bad guy. "Chill out, man. Let me worry about Heidi. We're friends now."
"Friends?" Ollie said, sounding way too baffled by that idea.
Was it so bizarre for me to be friends with a woman?
I gave up trying to explain myself to Ollie just as Eve and Val came back to the table. We ate our meals and talked, though not about much of anything. Pointless small talk seemed to be all any of us could manage. After dinner, I went to my room and Heidi went to hers.
For hours, I tossed and turned in bed, trying to figure out what to do about Heidi Mackenzie.
I had no frigging idea.
Chapter Seven
Heidi
I behaved like a completely insane person at dinner last night. Damian had been so nice, but I freaked out because our friends conspired to push us together by abandoning us while they went to get the food. Seriously? That was the best plan four adults could come up with. Well, at least their ineptitude made me feel better about my screwy behavior.
Why had I freaked when Damian got confused by me putting his hand on my leg? Why had I grabbed his hand, anyway? Jeez, I was a mess.
But I had an inkling of why I kept acting like a crazy person around Damian.
I liked him. I was attracted to him. My celibacy vow had made perfect sense until I saw Damian yesterday, right after I'd stepped out of the RV. He'd kind of flirted with me months ago when I first met him. But now, he'd ramped up the flirtation to a whole new level. Damian didn't do anything obnoxious. He was surprisingly sweet underneath the cocky exterior. But I'd been fooled before by a man who convinced me he wasn't a jerk, and I'd been dumb enough to keep going back to him. Grant never helped me face my fear of horses, though, and he never told me he wanted to kiss me but then waited for me to say it was okay.
Not that I had said that. I kissed Damian instead.
Maybe I was having such a hard time because I kept fighting my true nature. I'd always loved flirting with guys, loved the build-up to the first kiss, loved that free-fall sensation when I realized I had feelings for a guy. I hadn't experienced the free-fall with Damian—jeez, I hardly knew him—but I had enjoyed the flirtation. And when we sat on my bed and he said he wanted to kiss me…
I hadn't felt anticipation like that in years.
After a fitful night's sleep, I didn't feel like showering or brushing my teeth, or changing out of my pajamas. When had I become a slob and a coward? Cargo pants were one thing, but loafing in my PJs… That was an alternate universe version of me. So I made myself get clean, get dressed, and go out into the world. I'd chosen jeans and a loose-fitting blouse with short sleeves and a flower print. My blue sneakers matched the flowers on my shirt. For too long, I'd been wearing frumpy stuff like cargo pants and baggy T-shirts. It had been a way to kind of punish myself for my past transgressions, I guessed. Today, I suddenly wanted to wear something feminine again.