“This would never happen if you had allowed yourself to go out on a date or two in the past year,” I could hear her saying. “This is what celibacy gets you, you’re jumping the bones of every superhero you meet.”
And that’s when the memory of Ryan’s dick rubbing against my naked buttocks overpowered me. There was so much territory they’d left uncharted in their one night together. Maybe if I allowed myself to have some fun, we could try all the things I had always wanted but never felt safe enough to let go of my inhibitions.
Lucas was full of vigour when he jumped into the backseat of the car and buckled himself into his booster seat, “Mom, we had an earthquake! Isn’t that the coolest?” I nodded along as Lucas filled my head with information about tectonic plates, fault lines and divergent/convergent boundaries.
“My teacher said that it had to be at least a magnitude three quake because we were able to feel it,” Lucas remarked. “Did you feel it, Mama?”
I giggled to myself, “Oh I felt alright.”
At the stop light, I glanced back at Lucas, still babbling about earthquakes, in the backseat. The similarities between him and Ryan were absolutely jarring.
It’s not just the looks, they had the same mannerisms, the same inflections in their voices. It hadn’t been as noticeable before because the Ryan I watched in movies was always playing a role and tucking away his natural inclinations. The real Ryan was quite obviously Lucas’ father.
I wondered if I had made the right choice in not telling Ryan about Lucas. I’d gone back and forth hundreds of times since Lucas had been born. Ultimately it came down to the fact that this was one cat you couldn’t put back in the bag.
Why should I have been the one to hold him back from pursuing his dreams? I didn’t need his money. I’d lived with my parents until my career had advanced as far as was possible in Chicago. Their guest house had provided Lucas and I with our own space while allowing us to be as close as the backyard for babysitting and the occasional meal.
Lucas and I had never wanted for anything. He had a mom that loved him unconditionally and a grandma and grandpa that filled in the gaps my work created.
It wasn’t until we’d moved to California, to the same town where Ryan lived and away from my parents that the idea of introducing Lucas to Ryan had even entered my mind again. And by then it seemed too late.
Of course, I never would have imagined that I would end up working with Ryan when I made the decision not to tell him. Now I needed to give my head and heart time to wonder about the right choice in order to move forward.
—
By the time we’d pulled into the driveway, my thinking had returned to the more professional. I’d edited the constantly shifting to do list that lived in my head. There’s the press junket, the cast had been invited to appear at ComicCon in a few months, and before the earthquake I had just set up a children’s hospital tour tomorrow for the lead cast. They had a break in the schedule, and it worked out perfectly.
I figured since I’ve been tasked with bringing good publicity, a children’s hospital visit was about as good as publicity could get. They would interact with the kids, gift them with Falconi swag and of course take lots of photos.
I wonder what Ryan is even like with kids?The hospital visit, while good PR, would also give me a glance into who Ryan truly was as a person beyond the hot sex and good looks. It would tell me if he could handle knowing.
As I began to pull into the garage, the harsh trill of Lee’s ringtone sounded in my ears.
“Uh-oh,” said Lucas from the backseat.
“Uh-oh is right bud,” I agreed. “Let’s see what he wants.” It’s amazing that even seven year old Lucas recognized that Lee was trouble.
“This is Tinsley,” I answered.
“Tinsley, what right do you have to leave the office in the middle of the day?” demanded Lee.
“Mr. Wynn, I’m not slated for any meetings or activities with the crew until 10am tomorrow. I’m not an employee of your studio, I’m simply contracted to assist you with the PR for this film. I can come and go as I deem appropriate. My schedule is very full and if you need me to stay later than 5pm as I did today, you’ll need to schedule a meeting,” I said curtly.
“Emergencies don’t allow time for me to schedule a meeting,” he barked. “Now get your butt down here. We’ve got a shit storm brewing and I understand from reading your job description that it’s your duty to clean up the mess.” And with that he hung up.
“Well Lucas, looks like mom has a fire that needs to be put out. How about we swing by In and Out Burger to get you some dinner since I’m going to have to drag you with me to the office today. Sound good?”
“Awesome!” Lucas cheered. “But Mama, don't you think we should put out the fire first before we get dinner? I don’t want anyone to get hurt.”
This boy was pure magic and gave me all the joy I needed to get Lee’s gruffness out of my system.
—
As soon as we stepped off the elevator, I could hear Lee’s voice billowing out of the conference room, upset about something but for once it sounded like it did not pertain to me. I was thankful that I ran in to grab Lucas’ headphones and tablet, maybe the sounds of cartoons would block out some of Lee’s nastiness.
“Well it’s about damn time,” Lee sneered as I entered the room. Lee either didn’t notice Lucas behind me or simply didn’t care.
“So you’re the man that is always cursing on the phone with my mommy,” Lucas said. “You better hope this place doesn’t have a swear jar or you’ll have to pay up bigtime mister.”