“What’s with the princess room?” Elle asks.
I roll my eyes, “Let’s have a drink and I’ll tell you about Ivy.”
She listens without saying a word as I tell her all about Ivy, the plans we had to become her foster parents and eventually adopt her.
Finally, she says, “Now what?”
I shake my head, “I don’t know. I don’t want to petition to become her foster home if that’s what Mercy is trying to do. I don’t want to take her away from Mercy.”
She sets her drink down on the coffee table and looks at me with a raised eyebrow, “Well, what does Mercy say about it?”
“We haven’t spoken since she asked me to leave her alone.”
Shaking her head she says, “You need to talk to her about this little girl. Neither one of you wants her to get lost in the foster care system. You don’t have to talk about anything else, but this is important.”
I sigh, “You’re such a pain in the ass.”
She giggles, “Perhaps but you know I’m right. I am after all the smarter sibling.”
She laughs again as I roll my eyes, “Maybe you need a mediator of some kind. I could talk to her for you.”
“Maybe. But we need to go to bed. We need to make funeral arrangements in the morning.”
“I can’t believe they’re just gone, Liam.”
“Me either.”
She hugs me and kisses me on the cheek, “I’m glad you’re my brother. Goodnight.”
“Me too. Goodnight, Elle.”
I walk to my bedroom and it’s such an empty room without Mercy. I miss her as much as I did the first night I came back alone. Her scent is gone, just like her. Ninety-eight percent of my thoughts are about her. It’s a constantly running theme in my brain. Me proposing, her saying yes, giving her pleasure. And it always ends the same,Leave me alone Liam, it’s over.I’m not sure why I continue to torture myself. But I can’t stop thinking about her, maybe I don’t really want to. After tossing and turning most of the night, I finally fall asleep.
Four
MERCY
I am sittingbeside Ivy’s bed as she tells me all about the movie she watched last night,Disney’s Moana. Her eyes are big and expressive as she explains the movie which really doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me probably because she jumps all over the place. One minute she’s talking about the end and then she goes back to the beginning. But I love hearing her get so excited. She informs me that Dr. L will be seeing her today. She’ll find out if she’s done with chemo or needs more. If she doesn’t, I need to figure out what I’m doing. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what to do. If Liam wants to adopt her, I don’t want to stand in his way. I know how much I hurt him; I don’t want to cause him any more pain. I’m not sure I’ll ever get his devastated eyes out of my head. When I told him it was over that look nearly killed me.It dominates my thoughts, the look of pure devastation in the eyes of the man I so desperately love. Every time I remember it all the air escapes my lungs as panic sets in. I did that to him. I never wanted it to be over, it’s the last thing I ever wanted. But how could he ever look at me the same after seeing what he saw? Me naked, underneath his son, moments from penetration. Seconds really. Whether I wanted it or not, how could he ever be attracted to me, again? He couldn’t, so I put us both out of our misery even though it broke my heart.
“Mercy?” Ivy asks.
My lips turn up into a weak smile, “I’m sorry, honey. I have a lot on my mind.”
She glances up excitedly looking at the door, “Dr. L!”
I freeze, every muscle in my body tensing as I turn to look. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t stop myself. He’s got a beautiful blonde with him. My mouth forms an unintentional ‘O’. She'sthatbeautiful. Bitterness hits me to the core. A month? That’s how long it fucking took for him to move on? Obviously, it’s serious if he’s bringing her to see Ivy. How dare he? It doesn’t escape me that she looks even younger than I am. Clearly, he does have a type after all. I grind my teeth as I attempt to control my emotions. I stand and kiss Ivy on the forehead, “I’ll be back later to find out how everything is, okay?”
Liam says, “Mercy, you don’t have to go.”
Glancing up at him, his eyes penetrate my broken heart, “I really do.”
I rush out before my tears tell Ivy things; I don’t want her to know.
The blonde comes running out after me, “Mercy!”
I keep walking to the parking lot pretending I can’t hear her.
She stops me at my car, “Mercy.”