He grunted in the affirmative and let out a deep breath.
“I had buried my humanity and stifled all emotions. I was fully Beast. And a vengeful, bloodthirsty one at that. I did not care whether I lived or died, just as long as I took as many Dark Ones with me as I could.”
A muscle ticked in Zai’s jaw. Sin could practically hear his heart pounding.
“But…”
Ben looked again, carefully this time, between them.
“You’re okay now, right? I mean, you’re better,” he said when Sin frowned at the strange expression he used.
“Yes,” Sin answered simply, staring at Zai, who still refused to look at him.
“Better.”
“That means Sol has the hope of getting better too,” Ben argued. “He just needs a reason to live. A better reason to live than die.”
“It would have to be a tremendous, miraculous reason,” Sin pointed out, still staring at Zai.
“I have only suffered the loss for a couple of decades. As you say, Sol has endured the agony and emptiness for far longer.”
“Oh, hedoeshave a miraculous reason. The best reason!” Ben said animatedly.
“But it doesn’t come to fruition until many millennia into the future,” he added, full of dejection.
“I tried to tell him about the light at the end of the tunnel—something to hope for in the future—and glossed over how long it would take, but…he’s just determined to do things his own way. I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it. He just wants to end things.”
“Does this mean that your quest is at an end?” Sin asked, finally looking away from Zai and focusing on Ben.
The boy shook his head vehemently.
“Not if I can fucking-gods-damn help it,” he cursed.
“I just have to figure out how. What Sol does now impacts his distant future as well. More than just his own future. This is a critical moment, I am certain of it. It’s why I’m here.”
“What will you do?” Sin asked.
Ben gnawed on his lower lip for a few moments, thoughts busily churning through his mind.
“I’m gonna stick to him like white on rice. Like black on tar. Like fleas on cats—”
“Cats do not have fleas!” Sin protested.
Then he grumbled in a lower register, “At least I don’t.”
He snuck a glance at Zai to make sure the Hunter was paying attention. Sin didn’t have fleas or other unsavory infestations on his person. Zai must know this.
The Hunter’s impassive face gave nothing away, but Sin thought he detected a tiny curl at the corner of his lips almost entirely hidden by the thicket of his beard.
“I’m just going to stay close and not let him out of my sight for the foreseeable future,” Ben finished.
“And if at all possible, I’ll figure out a way to prevent him from competing in the tournament. If he wins, he’s planning on assassination plus suicide. If he loses, my understanding is that death is pretty much guaranteed. These are not competitions where an opponent gets to tap out.”
“You are certain that this is critical for your quest, human?” Zai saw fit to interject.
Ben nodded vigorously.
“It might just be critical for the Universal Balance, now and in the future as well.”