My legs are only barely hooked around his middle as I've been trying to secure my safety. I may have not realized I was rubbing my body against his arousal.
I do not want to go back to Monsters Resources to explain this. Trying to do paperwork for this would just be mortifying.
The erection he's sporting against me is enormous. My body responds to his, and, my heart is between my legs, heat spreading in my lower belly as the need to be taken right here against the brick, stories off the ground, unfurls within me. The fleeting wonder if anyone across the way in the other office building will see us makes my nipples tighten.
Oh Evil Overlord, I'm so far gone.
It’s actually insane how this wave of hormones completely wipes away my survival instinct. Getting dicked down on the side of the building? How do female Orcs survive this process? Scratch that, how does anyone?
“The ground. I'd like to be standing on solid ground,” I manage after a moment. “I have to be present for my floor's roll call.”
Khent nods. I brace myself for more of that stomach turning movement as he reaches to climb down, and bury my face in his shoulder. One breath is enough to make me forget the peril of our current position. I don’t know how to describe scents like some kind of smell-sommelier, but it’s all I ever want to breathe in ever again. This is what all men’s scented deodorants should aspire to.
Holding him makes all the stress of the past weeks melt away. How could I have ever thought he’d be willing to hurt me the way James did?
Khent takes one step, or reach or whatever, and stiffens, and I think I know why. Now that I'm aware of how my cunt is all but pressed to the outline of his cock, every little shift in movement grinds our NSFW bits together.
If I could spare a hand from being clutched around his neck, I might just try to unzip him here. The sex against a brick wall might be worth the bruises and scrapes alone.
I realize then that I can’t blame the Blood Fever’s for the unhinged idea, it’s just me, Unhinged Janice, with her fucking off the wall wants.
“I’m sorry–” he starts to say.
“No, it’s ok,” I try to cut him off.
“No, it’s not. You don’t want this,” he says.
The friction is sweet and teasing, and agonizing in how much more I want. But I know he means I don’t want this entanglement between us, this messy, against-company-policy relationship.
His jaw tightens and works as he holds still and climbs down a little more, to stop again. His head tilts back and I can see him fighting the pleasure.
His brow furrows and he shakes his head at himself, before pressing on.
“I feel terrible that I want you so much, but you don't seem to want that and I'm pressuring you and spilling my feelings and you don't need this crap right now.”
He looks away from me, but I still catch the angst in his face. It’s a reflection of what I’ve been essentially broadcasting since that first MR meeting, and every word of it he returns to me is a needle through my heart.
“But I want it anyway.”
I feel his entire being still at that. He doesn’t look back at me though.
The need to tell him everything starts welling up in my chest, my throat. Admitting that was like turning on the faucet to everything in me I was brushing off and shoving aside.
“I'm sorry I freaked out and hurt you. I got scared everything was going to blow up in my face and this time it was really going to hurt because I think I’ve fallen in love with you,” I babble out. “And I thought it would be safer if I ended things. But I was wrong. Not being with you was so much worse.”
I almost cringe at saying I've fallen in love, but he just called me his mate so I don't think it's too weird to be bringing that word into this now.
“I need to stop stepping on your feelings to preserve my own. Because that doesn’t get us anywhere. I don’t want to hurt you, ever again.”
I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t believe me. I’ve been so back and forth, so wishy-washy over this whole mating thing. I can’t expect him to be all-in again after how I’ve behaved.
I feel him shift a little, and then he’s freed one hand to tentatively curl around my back, holding me to him.
“Where does that leave us?”
“Well, if you’ll let me,” I say, and take a deep breath before I meet his eyes. “I'm going to break your nose again.”