At least, until I look at Khent again.
A small wave brushes past me. Khent enters the pool and makes himself comfortable on the step next to me.
Don’t look into the water. Don’t look. Don’t look.
My eyes dip down. The water quickly distorts anything more than a couple inches down out of view. Damn.
Sitting beside me, he still towers over me, but it feels a little less stilted between us as he takes on a relaxed pose. The way the water laps at his abdomen and leaves little droplets behind makes me want to lick them off of him.
I swallow and try to school my face into something less blatantly obviously ogling. I glance back at the heated stones he had poured the tea over before. “Can you go through the steps with me again?”
He gives me a look that I can’t parse. What, am I wasting his hour? I’ll find him another coupon or something.
“I just— I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing in here and I don’t want to do it wrong and then this doesn't work, you know?”
“Mate-bonding is really all that much of an inconvenience for you?” His face sort of pinches even as he says that word,inconvenience.
I can’t stop the way my face falls at his question. I’m ashamed that I haven’t been better at hiding that. He’s been so nice and understanding through this whole mess. I don’t want to keep trampling on cultural norms the public education system never really taught me about. I don’t want to hurt him.
Instead, I curl my legs up to my chest and hug my arms around myself. “It’s just– it’s different. It’s such a sudden attachment and I– I’ve always been self-sufficient, y’know? You know what it’s like, being like that.”
“Can’t say I do,” he sighs. That’s where we differ, I guess.
I look away. We’re an odd pair. We never would have gotten together on our own, it only happened because of a mistake that occurred when we crossed paths.
I don’t really register the way the water ripples with Khent’s movements as he leans out of the water, the sound of a ceramic jar scraping across the stone.
“Here,” Khent says, drawing my attention. He’s unscrewed the lid of some jar, and holds out a hand.
I offer him mine, raising an eyebrow. “That also some salve for relaxing?”
“It’s just plain massage oil.” He takes a gentle hold of my wrist. With his other hand he starts to spread the oil all the way up my arm. He starts to massage the oil into my skin, the circular motion of it easing the tension from my muscles.
“I’ve always been surrounded by attachments,” he says, the words quiet as the water lapping at the stones. “It’s hard to be a loner in Orc communities, there’s always someone that needs you, family or friends. Sometimes it’s too much to keep up with. But I guess it always made me look forward to having this kind of...attachment.”
I hum a note of amusement. He’s using the word I did, but it sounds less clinical coming from him.
He’s worked his way to my shoulder. This stuff is amazing. I don’t know why we started with the tea on the hot stone when this was an option.
“It’s someone who’s on your side, on your wavelength. When you can’t keep up with life, they’re there to help you.”
“I guess. I haven’t had much luck finding someone like that. I mean, none of my exes ever did the dishes,” I say. It’s half a joke, mostly true.
“You don’t believe there’s someone out there that completes you?”
“I— well,” I choke on my words backtracking. I doubt there’s anyone out there willing to put up with my bullshit. To date, no one has. I just knock heads with everyone. But I’m going to try not to put my foot in my mouth.
“I believe there’s someone out there that completesyou,” I try, and that much is genuine. I really hope there’s someone out there that deserves Khent, as kind and patient as he is. And if his soul-mate isn’t totally worthy of him, well, I guess I’m going to beat her up or something.
“I’ve never really been much for taking initiative. I’ve been told I’m conflict avoidant,” he says, a sort of ponderous tone that suggests he’s given this a lot of thought. He’s probably spent his whole life wondering what the person who completes him would be like.
That solidifies it in my mind. I will totally take this bitch to the woodshed if she even thinks about not being good enough for him.
“But I’ve always admired people who take charge and stand up for themselves,” he shrugs.
I imagine there’s a lot of Orc women like that. I get lost in thinking about some other woman completing Khent. I realize after a moment my heart is beating a little too fast.
He lets go of my arm that’s closest to him, and I feel weirdly unbalanced. The one side of me is soothed and unwound, and the other side is still tightly coiled with all the stress I’ve been carrying around.