“Sem, I want you to understand me.Clearly. I won’t go out with Colin if it upsets you,” I say softly, and Sem freezes. “I know what we’re doing is just casual or maybe just a game between…friends, but we started it together, didn’t we? I won’t see anyone else while we’re…doing whatever this is.”
He sits with that for a moment, before saying, “Nah, Maggie. I want you to be…You need to do what’s best for you, yeah? I don’t want to stand in your way or hold you back.”
My heart sinks slightly, and I force my face to show no emotion. Because if he looks at me, really looks, he’ll see how disappointed I am right now.
At this moment, I don’t want Colin.
I wanthim.
I want him to fight for this. For me.
God, my mind is a mess.
“Okay,” I say softly. “If that’s really what you want.”
Sem grunts something and then stuffs his wrappers back into the bag and scoots father back into the truck bed. I glance back and see him, legs stretched out in front of him, the back of his head pressed against the window, and his eyes closed.
He looks…sad.
And I can’t help it. I’m physically unable to stay away. I move back to be with him, crawling onto his lap, my back against his chest, and tuck my head under his chin. For a moment, I wonder if he will remove me from him. Holding my breath, I wait, but instead of pushing me away, his hands wrap around my waist, holding me against him. His face nuzzles into my hair, and he inhales deeply.
“What are you doing to me?” he whispers.
“I don’t know,” I reply.
“You’re confusing the fuck out of me. I feel like I’m losing my mind.”
“I’m sorry.”
We sit like that for a while, the two of us listening to the wind blow through the brush covering the hill and to the silent squeak of the van across the way as it rocks gently. Sometimes silence is needed. Sometimes words aren’t necessary.
I shiver and curl up into him further. “I’m sorry you’re confused, Sem. Do you want me to…do you want me to leave you alone? Give you some time to think?”
His arms tighten around me. “Fuck no.”
I huff a small laugh and lean my head back against his shoulder. “Okay. Let me know if that changes.”
“It won’t.”
I sigh and then decide to break the tension by saying, “Okay, now to bring attention to the elephant in the room. Someone in that van has amazing stamina.”
“Seems like it.” Sem stuffs his hands into my sweatshirt pockets as he shifts me on his lap. Then he leans down and slowly runs his nose across the skin of my neck. His lips brush against my pulse, and he breathes against it.
“I’m sitting here trying not to smell you, but damn, it’s hard.”
I tremble slightly, although this time it’s not from the cold. I love how candid he is and how he always seems to state the obvious. There’s very little guessing with Sem.
“It’s my soap.”
“No, it’s you.”
“Oh, my heart,” I whisper. “You can smell me anytime you want.”
We sit like that for a minute, just Sem breathing me in, his fingers tracing shapes on my skin when I ask, “Sem….”
“Yeah?”
“Can I ask you a question?”