“Of hating you like you hate me now… of coming home one day and forgetting why I was so lucky to have you by my side… of resenting staying home at eighteen, not going to NYU, not experiencing — anything. I was afraid of our future. And then the whispers about us being another local couple that bites the dust. That same night, Liza overheard someone asking if I was pregnant; it was just too much. All of it was too much, too soon. And I thought, ‘Is this just some fantasy we’d both conjured up,’ and then when you didn’t chase me…”
“So, you threw it away,” he answered, in the silence as the sun set around us, blanketing everything in dusk.
“My mom…” I tucked my hair behind my ear, “…she’s… as happy as she’s capable of being, but she’s… I’ve always been…” I frowned when Jason came closer and held out his hand. I took it and continued, “…afraid, I guess, that I would end up just like her — no education, no career. Funny, since I ended up just like her anyway, only worse, because I’m living in my old bedroom.”
Jason tilted my chin with his right hand. “Maddy, futures don’t just happen. You choose them, and those choices are like rocks that line your path. You planned that path perfectly, but left me off it by assuming I wanted to settle, when all I ever saw as I looked at you — was my greatest adventure.”
My body jerked to attention as my mouth dropped open then closed. “I—” Tears burned my eyes. “—I’m so sorry, Jason…”
His lips were on my face.
Kissing one cheek.
Kissing the other.
Caressing my forehead with his mouth as he whispered against my skin, “It’s been a long day. Why don’t you go lie down?”
I nodded, not trusting myself to say anything more.
Not trusting my body not to fall into old habits and just cling to him for support and strength.
Not trusting my heart to stay where it belonged, but instead, jump out of my chest and beg to be held.
The air around me was silent as I slowly walked back to the house and wondered what reason I’d ever had for being upset that he hadn’t chased me.
When he’d just made it painfully clear…
It had never once occurred to him that he would ever have to.