chapter fourteen
“Food and sex are the same thing. Seriously. Eating a good burger is just like having a good orgasm, I mean depending on the partner and the burger joint, duh. The point is this, when you’re feeling alone in the universe, the universe provides! Might I suggest a nice juicy steak? Just remember to savor it, just like you would sex, and I promise, those little happy chemicals will get you every single time. I’m sure that’s what my friend Jason does, since he’s not getting any. Reference earlier chapters for correct spelling and his phone number. Oh, and I’ll leave it in the author notes, just in case. Say it with me, ‘STEAK SAVES LIVES!’”
~From Max Emory’s Guide to Dating and Other Important Life Lessons
Jason
“Ka pow!” Max made an exploding motion with his hands as I walked into the newly refurbished living room. “That was about how good that apology went, just in case you were wondering.”
“Dumbass, that’s not an exploding sound, just in case you were wondering,” I snapped back, as I limped to the nearest chair and plopped down.
Reid, Max, and Colt were all there.
And I was in Hell.
The women were gone.
So basically, I had nobody to give me good advice.
But three married men were looking at me like I was their next project, because they were so bored with their lives that they’d forgotten how to live without a female by their sides.
“So, I have an idea.” Max cleared his throat.
“Last time you had an idea, Jason ended up in prison. I’d tread lightly, Obi-Wan.” Colt chuckled while Reid snorted next to him. We’d all been on the receiving end of Max’s ideas — we had scars to prove it — and yet, Max always came away unscathed, funny thing, that.
“No,” I answered just as he opened his mouth.
He ignored me.
I knew he would.
But I needed to at least still fight and hope he tuckered himself out.
“You need closure.” Max nodded like he was the wisest dating guru on the planet. New York Times bestselling dating book be damned to the pits of Hell!
“And you’re not going to get that unless you make nice with your neighbor.”
“As much as it pains me to admit…” Colt leveled me with a serious look.
“Don’t say it. Please don’t say it. He’s hard enough to live with as it is,” Reid pleaded.
“He’s right,” Colt said, releasing the most dangerous sentence known to mankind spiraling into the universe.
I sucked in a breath and waited for an asteroid to hit the earth.
It didn’t.
Damn it.
Max leaned forward, his face suddenly serious. “You can’t commit to someone new until you patch up what went wrong with Blue Eyes.”
“Blue Eyes?”
“My nickname for her. Such deep blue eyes, you get lost in the depths of—”
“Feel free to punch him.” Reid cleared his throat. “Jason, really, nobody would judge you. I’ll even hold him down.”
“I’ll video,” Colt offered.