chapter thirteen
“Even when you’re holding the shards of your own broken heart in the palm of your hands, insulting the one person responsible for the breaking isn’t going to magically heal or fuse the pieces back together. The heart works as one muscle; continue to go against its one purpose — beating — and the pieces just get smaller and more jagged. I know, I know, shit just got real, but truth bombs are necessary when it comes to the heart. Don’t be a jackass and make it worse.”
~From Max Emory’s Guide to Dating and Other Important Life Lessons
Maddy
The burn of fresh tears hit me so hard and fast that I’d had to basically run from his stupid hospital room. Before the ambulance left, Max and I had exchanged numbers so he could keep me updated, and when he suggested I stop by, I’d jumped at the chance.
Because that kiss…
It felt like a promise.
It felt like maybe a fresh start.
Plus, he’d been semi-awake, right? He’d wanted it as badly as I had. Or I thought he had.
The Jason Caro I fell in love with no longer existed.
And I only had myself to blame.
My fault.
With legs like lead, I worked for the next six hours trying to smile at customers and laugh at their jokes, but I felt empty. Liza even asked if I was sick.
Sick?
Yeah, my heart was sick.
So sick and tired.
And I had all weekend to think about my bad choices and where everything had gone wrong; sadly, that memory was worn in my brain. And in every moment of weakness, when anxiety crept in, when regret filled me from head to toe, it flashed before my eyes; the day I’d ruined the best thing that had ever happened to me and thrown it away like trash.
“Marry me?” Jason was down on one knee in front of the entire graduating class.
Girls all around me were fanning themselves, giggling, wishing they were me. There were two men everyone wanted in that stupid school, Jason and his best friend, Colton. I bit down on my lower lip as our future flashed before my eyes. I wanted to go to college, and he wanted to stay local and become a police officer. Nothing wrong with that, but how could we be married and live so far away?
My sister gave me a thumbs-up in the crowd; she’d driven down from NYU just to see the proposal. It wouldn’t surprise me if she’d helped Jason pick out the ring.
I nodded, my voice gone.
The minute I made the motion.
I regretted it.
Not him.
The decision.
I stared into his hypnotic green eyes and felt sick to my stomach. This man… I would break his heart, but what other option did I have? This would destroy us. Getting married so young after only ever being with each other? Starting our lives together before we even knew who we were individually?
I knew it was wrong.
And I still said yes.
I tried not to flinch when I heard a girl behind me whisper, “She’s going to turn out just like her mom… another local bites the dust.”
My heart fell to my knees.