“Not to make things more complicated, but what happens if Billie gets pregnant during that time? Something unplanned pops up? Could you get out of the sham marriage if you needed to? Like, get a quickie divorce or an annulment? I mean, shit like that happens every day in real life, right? Is there an escape clause of any sort?”
I dragged a hand through my hair. “I have no damn idea. But the lawyer I met with said sometimes cases can be fast tracked when someone is in jeopardy of being deported and has a child who’s a US citizen. He said we could request that, but there’s no guarantee.”
“Would Saylor meet her?”
“Definitely not. Maya only came back into our lives to use her as a bargaining chip. This isn’t a woman who realized she’d made a big mistake and truly wants to get to know her daughter. I see nothing but hurt if Saylor got to know her as her biological mother—or in any capacity, for that matter.”
“Will you put her on your health insurance at work and tell people and stuff? What about if, God forbid, something happens to you? Does that mean Maya gets custody? And do you have a will? I had an uncle who was married for six months. His wife was cheating on him for their entire short-lived marriage, but he dropped dead of a heart attack before they were legally divorced, and she got his house and stuff. Is there a way around that, just in case?”
I blew out two cheeks full of hot air and shook my head. “You’re making my damn head spin, Holden.”
“Sorry, man. I’m just trying to help.”
I nodded. “I know you are, buddy. And I appreciate that more than you know. If I do decide to go through with it, I’m going to have to sit with my attorney and ask all those questions before anything happens, to make sure Saylor and I are adequately protected. Right now, though, I just need to not talk about it anymore.”
“No problem. Why don’t we talk about my favorite subject…” Holden grinned and sipped his beer. “Me.”
I chuckled. “That sounds perfect. Tell me what’s going on with you lately. Aside from seeing Lala and her fiancé. I’m sure you’ve amassed at least a dozen new stories you can amuse me with since we last spoke.”
Holden guzzled the rest of his beer. “Well, I did almost get a Prince Albert the other day.”
My brows shot up. “You were going to get your dick pierced?”
“Not on purpose. But it almost happened accidentally.”
I shook my head with a smile. This was exactly what I needed right now—Holden’s crazy life. “I’ll bite. How exactly do you almost accidentally pierce your dick?”
Holden wagged his finger at me. “That’s a very good question. But before I explain, let me preface by saying that I sort of went on a tear after seeing Lala and Dr. Douchebag. I know now that I was trying to fill a void by spending too much time talking to women on Tinder, so I don’t need a lecture. Plus, I already got one from Owen when I told him this story. Anyway, I found this one woman who made it clear she was looking for a good time and nothing more. We met at a bar and had one drink, and then she suggested we take an Uber somewhere so she could go down on me in the backseat. She was into the driver watching through the rearview mirror as he drove.”
I shook my head. “Only you, my friend.”
“She was really cute, too. Redhead with a tatted arm—sort of a Billie vibe.” He winked. “Probably why I was into her.”
“Don’t even joke, buddy.”
He laughed. “Just teasing. Her name was Ryland, and she had one of those small, hoop nose rings. We get into the Uber, and she wastes no time dropping her head into my lap. After, I suggested we go back to her place, so I could return the favor—you know, because I’m a gentleman and all. But she tells me it’s that time of the month and suggests we meet up next week at a different bar. She wants me to go down on her in the ladies’ room while she’s sitting on the sink without the door locked.”
“Is she an exhibitionist or something?”
Holden shrugged. “I think so, but I’m game. Whatever floats your boat as long as no one gets hurt in the process, right? Anyway, we call it a night, and I take the train back to the bar where we’d met. It was a nice day, so I’d ridden my motorcycle and needed to pick it up. But when I hopped on, the damn battery was dead. I had to push seven-hundred pounds to a hill so I could roll it down an incline and jump on to bump start it. When I did that, I felt a sharp pinch at the base of my dick. It hurt like a motherfucker and wouldn’t let up. I actually had to turn the bike off and go back into the bar to use the men’s room to see what the hell was going on. Turns out, my redheaded exhibitionist lost her little hoop nose ring while blowing me. The thing was damn sharp, and it somehow wound up in my underwear. It had pierced the skin at the base of my dick. Hence, an almost accidental Prince Albert.”