Christ, I felt pathetic. I was more than those things.
I was Joseph “Track” Montez, the Knight’s Legion MC road captain and best friend to the president. The man who joked around with his MC brothers and protected their women and children. I poured all my energy into my club, family, and friends. I hardly slept at night and worked my fingers to the bone at the club’s auto shop.
I was also a biker with a barely beating heart. I didn’t want an old lady or children. The life I led was far too dangerous to bring a child into my world or have an old lady. My dad had lost my mom, and it almost destroyed him. If it hadn’t been for Tina, he might’ve ended it all to be with my mom.
My MC brother, Wolf, knew all about the struggles of finding a reason to keep moving forward after losing Jill. He seemed to be a man without a purpose. Or he used to be. Storm had told me Wolf had become obsessed with finding the Mafia princess, Rosa. I was glad he had something to occupy his mind. Wished I could be doing something different than watching after Brynne.
I was fucking over pretending to be my step-sister’s bestie. If I didn’t get control of myself, I would ruin everything for the club, my old man, and my stepmom.
The oldies-style music eased the tension in my shoulders and neck. I exhaled and smiled, feeling safe to let loose. But try as I might to relax, Brynne monopolized my every thought.
What was she doing right now? Was she alone? If a dude was with her, touching her, I would…
Stop it already. She doesn’t belong to you. You don’t want her.
No, I didn’t want Brynne.Liar.
I shouldn’t want her.
I had to do whatever it took to get my mind off her. Which was why I came to the sex club. It was my escape, my respite.
Since I’d been in Montana and around Espada, I’d learned a bit about myself. My desire to watch couples have sex and women get themselves off had a name for my passion: voyeur.
I’d grown up surrounded by open sex. Day and night, I’d observed the MC brothers having their needs met by the kittens. During my formative teenage years, I lurked in corners to watch. Nobody seemed to care. They knew I saw everything.
Things sure were different now that some of my brothers had wives. Angel and the other old ladies would never let children have a front-row seat to view the lude things in the clubhouse.
Maybe I’d be different if I’d been sheltered.
The night I’d lost my virginity at Storm’s welcome home party, I’d gotten off more from watching him fuck that college chick doggy-style than the girl sucking me off.
I’d been a voyeur and never knew it.
Watching others had kept my emotions out of the equation. I could stay numb while having my sexual needs met. It’d been perfect, then I met Brynne, and she tore down my shield in one day.
Espada and I sat at the end of the bar. The bartender jerked his chin and raised two fingers. I nodded my approval, appreciating that he remembered me. He should, considering I’d been here weekly until a few weeks ago. I’d stopped coming because of Brynne, which was stupid. I owed her nothing. She wasn’t, nor would she ever be mine.
The bartender brought us a couple shots of tequila and limes and Modelos.
“¡Salud!” Espada tossed back his drink.
I did the same, welcoming the burn, and finished it off sucking on a lime wedge. I loved tequila and lime. Tequila and lime did it for me every time, the ultimate pairing for my tastebuds.
“What’s your flavor tonight?” Espada’s black eyes scanned the room, but I already knew which girl he wanted. Despite his insistence that he enjoyed all women, he always chose the most innocent, pure-looking woman. Probably to dirty her up.
“Level two,” I muttered, putting my beer to my lips.
Ted’s Peep Club had three levels. The customer could touch and have sex with the worker in level one. Level two allowed the voyeur to be in the room but no touching. Finally, my preferred experience, level three, kept me in a private room where I could watch and listen to the performer. The wall between us was reminiscent of my younger days when I snuck around.
But tonight, I needed to feel the energy in the room and get the whole experience without physically engaging. I wanted to smell the woman as I got off to her getting herself off. If I didn’t get some relief, only God knew what I’d do when Brynne and I were alone.
“Not me. I need to fuck.” Espada picked up the tablet in front of us to make his selection. “If you went for the full experience, maybe you wouldn’t want your step-sister.”
“You’re probably right.” I cringed and squeezed my beer bottle in my hand.Step-sister. “You better keep your damn mouth shut about it too.” I could trust Espada but felt the need to give him a warning. He was the only person who knew my plight.
“I am.” He passed the tablet to me and drank his beer. “I’m sure the others would understand. I mean, she’s fucking beautiful, and she’s not your blood. It’s not incest, amigo.”
“Fuck, man.” I swiped the device from his hand. “Shut your fucking mouth.” The word “incest” turned my stomach. Brynne wasn’t my biological sister, but my dad had called her my sister since he and Tina had my little brother, Raymond. His birth had linked us to Brynne… our sister.