“When I’m with you, anything seems possible. It’s a scary place to be. Terrifying is more like it.”
“Why is it terrifying? Tell me what I can do to help you feel safe with me. I promise you can trust me.” I remembered what Lady M had said about attachment disorders. I hoped I was saying and doing the right things for Hope. I was kicking myself for not doing a quick search to educate myself before coming to her place. “I won’t hurt you, sweetheart. It would kill me if I did.”
“You’re an extraordinary man, Levi Knight. Is your whole family like you?” She sniffled, rubbing her cheek against my chest.
“I’m the best one in the bunch.”
“Of course you are.” She giggled and cried at the same time. “I hit the jackpot with you, didn’t I?”
“All three of us are lucky.”
“Dammit, why are you so sweet?”
“I don’t know. I just am with you. I care about you. You’re easy to love.”
“That’s hard to believe when my parents never gave a shit about me, much less loved me. I’ve been on my own since I was six.”
“What do you mean on your own since you were six?” Did she mean homeless and living on the streets?
“My parents called me their greatest fuck up, a burden.” She wiped away tears. “I never talk about them. Haven’t seen them since I turned eighteen.”
“Tell me everything.” Although, I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the hell she’d been through.
“I don’t know if I can.” She covered her face with her hand. “Opening up to you will make me vulnerable.”
My goddamned heart was breaking without knowing what she’d been through. I needed to power through and be the man she could depend on.
“I won’t push you, sweetheart. Just know I will protect you with my life. You’re safe with me.”
“My therapist says I’m strong and capable of having relationships. I haven’t tried because I’d rather be alone than rejected.”
“I already told you I’m in it for the long haul. I won’t abandon you.”
“It’s startling how you know what to say at the right moment.”
“I’m only saying what feels right.” I combed my fingers through her hair to comfort and ease her worries.
“My parents never wanted kids. My mom didn’t know she was pregnant with me. She went to the hospital with severe stomach pains.”
“Fuck, that’s crazy.”
“It is. I don’t remember much before the age of five. My therapist says I was neglected as a baby and left alone in a crib. Obviously, we don’t know the scope of neglect, but we assume my parents didn’t tend to my needs adequately. They sure as hell didn’t when I was a young child.”
“Jesus, I’m so sorry.”
“I remember always being hungry when I was a kid and in filthy clothes. My parents gambled a lot, stayed out all night, and did the bare minimum for me. I would hide in my bedroom closet with a flashlight when I was home alone. I was six, but they could’ve been leaving me alone before then.”
My mind couldn’t comprehend what she was saying. Nova was only seven, so sweet and innocent. I couldn’t imagine leaving her alone all night.
“When I was fourteen, I started my period. My mom’s first instinct was to put me on birth control. She wanted me to get my tubes tied, but the doctor told her it was unethical.”
“Jesus Christ.” I pulled her close as her tears picked up.
“When I turned sixteen, my mom told me they were done, and I needed to fend for myself. I was allowed to stay in the house, but that was it.”
“What did you do for food, clothes… and other stuff?” I never wanted to meet her parents. I wouldn’t be able to control my mouth and would lay into them for mistreating Hope.
“At first, I got a job, but it didn’t last. Every time I tried to earn my own money, I was either fired, or my parents stole my money.”