Now what?
I put my shirt on lightning-fast. My underwear was wet and bloody. I removed my panties and tossed them and the gown into the trashcan. I put a fresh pad between my thighs and tugged on my jeans and shoes.
I couldn’t leave the evidence on the table for the world to see. I ripped off the section and threw it away. Next, I got a disinfectant wipe, making the place presentable and smell better.
Grabbing my backpack, I bolted out of the room before anyone saw me. If only I were really invisible.
Later that evening, my mom entered my bedroom uninvited—her house, her rules. I’d been avoiding her since we got home from the clinic. Plus, I didn’t feel well.
“You know, having to give this to you every night, so you don’t fuck up your life like I did, is a real pain in the ass.” She reeked of marijuana as she handed me the small white pill. “If you do get knocked up, you’re getting an abortion. But you’re not going to be stupid, are you, Hope?”
I shook my head.
“Because if you get pregnant, I’m kicking your boney ass out. I won’t have another baby in this house.”
I put the tablet into my mouth and washed it down with some water I had in a glass.
She fluffed her dirty blonde hair and stared at me. I shifted on my bed, my stomach cramping.
“What do you want out of life, Hope?”
I was taken aback. She never asked me what I wanted.
“Because you can’t live here forever. When you’re eighteen, you’re out. So you better have a plan. Do you have a plan, Hope?”
Crap, I was only fourteen. I had no idea what I wanted to do when I grew up. I threw out the first thing that popped into my head.
“I want to be a nurse.”
She arched her brow. “A nurse? Then you better do well in high school to get scholarships because you have to go to college to be a nurse, and I ain’t paying your way.”
“I will.” I didn’t need anything from her or anyone else. I could make my own way, pay my own way.
“Well then, Miss Confident. If you think you’re so smart and capable, take one of these every night at the same time before bed.” She tossed the pack of pills onto the bed. “Don’t miss one, or you could get pregnant.”
“But you have to have sex to get pregnant. I’m not going to.”
She threw her head back and cackled. “Yes, you will. Sex is the only pleasurable thing in life. It’s the only time a man is interested in a woman, the only time he might be sweet to her.”
I didn’t know what to say to that.
“You’re not going to miss a pill, right?” She went to the door.
“Right.”
“And when you do have sex, make sure the boy wraps up his dick for extra protection. You don’t want an STD or a baby. Trust me. I’ve had both, and it sucks.” She slammed my door shut behind her.
“I won’t ever have sex or kids,” I whispered.
5
Lady M
My children and husband were my life. Some thought I should take up a hobby, like knitting or volunteering at the food bank. They were fools. I loved taking care of my family. It was all I ever wanted to do.
I rested against the porch railing, just taking it all in. The beautiful August day, the beautiful smiling faces and laughter coming from my favorite people in the world. The sight of them choked me up.
Abe and Karma were joined at the hip like they had been years ago. I’d missed seeing the sparkle in his eyes. My boy had gone through a lot of pain. It had broken my heart to see my child so devastated and lost.