“Fine.” I rolled my eyes. It was always about the rules with her.
“Nova, don’t sass me. This is important.”
“I know, I know. It’s to keep me safe because you’d die if something happened to me.” It was all she ever said:I’d die if I lost you, baby.
“Yes.” She took my hand, and my eyes went to the cobra tattoo wrapped around her arm eating itself. Mommy called it an ouroboros. It meant eternity and had my name below it. It was my favorite out of all her ink. I wasn’t quite sure why. “You’re all I have in this world.”
“I know. Was the man your boyfriend?”
She snorted. “No. He was someone from my past.”
“Will you ever have a boyfriend? Will I have a new daddy like Sadie someday?”
“Nova, I don’t need a boyfriend, and you don’t need a daddy” Her eyes got watery. “Where’s all this coming from? We’ve talked about it. Sometimes men aren’t good for women. We sure as heck don’t need them to be happy.”
“But I wantmydaddy. Why doesn’t he call or send me presents? You said he did bad things. Is he in jail? Can we go see him?”
“Mercy, baby girl. You’re full of questions today.” She pinched the bridge of her nose and blew out a breath. When she did that, it meant she was frustrated. “Your daddy isn’t in jail. He’s just… gone.”
“Because we left him. We can go back. He’ll apologize for hurting you, and you can forgive him, then everything will be okay.” My teacher Mrs. Fuentes talked a lot about not holding onto anger and forgiveness in class when kids argued over crayons or said mean things to each other. Mommy needed to learn to forgive my dad and let go of anger so we could be a family again.
“No,” she snapped. “Do you want to have a sleepover with Sadie or not? I don’t want to talk about anything else, just the rules.”
“Yes, I want to stay with Sadie.” I quickly adjusted my attitude so she didn’t change her mind about going to the club. I needed to be there to call my dad on Jaynee’s phone. My mom never let me play on her phone the way Sadie’s mommy let her.
“Then listen to me. I’ll be there for karaoke night, but you’ll be asleep when I come home. I don’t want you going anywhere without Jaynee. Remember your manners, and obey her. When she says, it’s time to come home, no whining about it. Understand?”
“Yes. What if I get scared and want to come home?” It was possible since I’d never been without my mom. I didn’t actually know how I’d do without her.
“Then you ask Jaynee to call me, and we’ll sort it out.”
“Sort it out because you might be drunk and can’t drive?”
She groaned. “You heard that?”
“Mhm.” I also had heard her say “sex toys,” but I wasn’t sure what she meant. I knew sex was something two people did together. What kind of toys they played with, I had no idea.
Valerie, Tina’s daughter, had told me she’d seen two people having sex in the clubhouse, and it was gross. She never wanted to do it, and neither did I.
“Well, it’s nothing little girls should know about.” Mom tugged me onto her lap and cuddled me. “Who loves you, sweetness?” She gave me a butterfly kiss. This was our thing, something we’d done for as long as I could remember.
“You do, sweetness.” I wrapped my arms around her neck. “I love you too.”
“I’m going to be so lonely tonight, but I want you to have fun, okay?”
“Okay.” My heart hurt. I didn’t want her to be alone, but having a sleepover with a friend was something I’d dreamed about doing, and it was my chance to call my dad.
I didn’t understand how she could feel so lonely singing with her friends. Maybe she missed my daddy like I did. Whenever I asked about him, it only made Mommy sad and moody.
Someday, I’d be a grown-up. When I was, I’d do whatever I wanted, including seeing my dad all the time, like the kids at school with their dads.
8
Cobra
The man of the hour hadn’t yet arrived, and Lady M appeared frustrated. Her food was getting cold, and the bar was filling up with women looking for some action.
Because my father had already been married when he started the North Dakota chapter. Lady M would never allow club whores in her domain. But not all bikers had old ladies, definitely not any on the council, which was made up of my brothers and me.