6
Karma
Jaynee’s pregnant belly taunted me. It was full and round, so cute, and begging to be touched. I refrained from fawning over my bestie’s baby bump for no other reason than it would kill my image as a cold as ice woman.
Basically, I was a disinterested bitch to hide my inner torment. If I didn’t get too close to anyone, I wouldn’t get hurt again. It totally sucked too. I wanted lasting relationships, friends I could depend on… love and more children. A large family had been my dream.
Snap out of it, girl. Don’t even think of him.
“Jay, just pick the one you like most, and I can customize it.” I peered at the page she was staring at.
“I just want it to be perfect.” She screwed up her face and bit her bottom lip.
“It will be. I won’t let you down. But I need you to pick a henna design, babe. One to get us started.” Pregnancy made Jaynee very indecisive. It didn’t matter if she ordered food or picked colors for her wedding. My girl couldn’t make a decision to save her life.
“It’s good you’ve been with me every step of the planning process. I don’t know how I would have done any of this without you.”
“It’s my job as maid of honor to make sure everything comes together.” It had been like planning my own wedding. Well… the one I never had.
“I appreciate you so much. Lynx told me we could elope, but I’ve always wanted a ceremony and reception, and of course, a kickass DJ.” She wiggled her body in the chair.
“Me too, but—” I snapped my mouth shut when her eyes widened. The closer we became, the more I dropped my guard. It was exhausting to keep myself closed off to people.
“Okay, chica, talk.” She hiked her expertly manicured eyebrow. “We’ve known each other for six months. You’re my maid of honor, which is huge. Open up to me, babe. Please, open up to me.” She took my hand. “I love you and Nova; you’re my family.”
I groaned, picking up my Diet Coke. “There’s nothing to talk about. I used to dream of a wedding too. Don’t all girls?” I hadn’t told her I was weeks away from tying the knot with Abe. It hurt too much, made me feel pathetic and stupid for believing his lies.
“I suppose, but I think you’re not telling me everything.” Jaynee twisted her lips. “So nothing from Cobra?”
“You asked me that the second you entered my house, Jay. I’m not hiding anything from you. I haven’t heard from him in weeks. I’m sure he’s given up.” Further proof I meant zero to him. I gulped my drink, relishing the burn of the carbonation.
“It makes me sad that he stopped coming around. Are you okay with it?” Jaynee teared up. Pregnancy hormones were making her into a blubbering mess at all hours of the day. It was precious actually to watch her get emotional during an insurance commercial.
Am I okay? No.
“Girl, I’m fine. It’s what I’ve wanted.”Not.You want Abe to grovel on his knees and make promises he’ll never keep. Lying, cheating people never changed.“Can we change the subject, please? How’s Emilee and the baby?” I wasn’t close to Emilee. We were friendly with each other. Nova loved to play with Dante and the other babies at the club. But I pretty much kept everyone at a safe distance, except for Jaynee. No thanks to Abe, I had trust issues. And no thanks to my other ex, I needed to keep a low profile.
“They’re wonderful.” Jaynee’s eyes brightened. “Demi looks just like Dante with dark hair and eyes. Dodge has some strong genes. You need to come to the compound to see them.”
“I will.”
“Tonight’s karaoke.”
“I’m not sure.” I stared at my soda can, wiping the condensation off with my thumb. If I saw the hope in Jaynee’s eyes, I’d crumble under pressure and agree to go.
“Aww, come on. You always have a good time once you’re there.”
She wasn’t wrong. Once I had a couple of drinks in me, I let loose a little. There was a delicate balance for me when I drank. If I had more than four, I ran the risk of bearing my soul to anyone who’d listen. More than six drinks, and I was liable to strip in front of the first hot guy I noticed and jump his bones. It was embarrassing how lonely and starved I was for affection.
What was worse, was the only man I wanted was Abe, even after what he’d done to me. Jesus, I was pathetic. My backbone had weakened over the past month. My unwavering heart softened more and more each time I saw him.
“I’ll think about it.” My ears perked up, dialing into Nova’s sweet giggles. They were music to my ears.
I was grateful to be back in my sweet girl’s graces. She was my priority. Nothing and no one came before her. Every decision I made had been for her well-being… and mine.
“Yay! It’ll be tons of fun. Just don’t sing one of your angsty songs. I don’t want to cry.” She winked, rubbing her belly. “I wonder who my little man will look like.” A dreamy glint sparked in her eyes. “I hope Zander.”
“I’m sure Zane will be the perfect blend of both his parents.” Jaynee and Lynx were terrific people and a beautiful couple. Zane would probably be as handsome as his daddy, if not more.