There had been a time when I enjoyed the activity and noise in the bar. I wouldn’t think about my past or my old man. A kitten would distract me, and I’d be okay.
None of it worked anymore.
You’re too needy.
I ignored my inner thoughts and typed out a text. If Ava had gone to bed already, I wouldn’t get a reply until morning. My heart pounded against my ribs. I needed to get a text back.
Too needy.
Damn straight.
Ire: When did you want to watch Boxer and me spar?
I waited for the bubbles to appear, then exhaled with relief when they did. Ava was awake.
Ava: How about Thursday after my workout?
Two days from now? I’d hoped she would say tomorrow. Unless she asked me over for supper, I wouldn’t get to see her until late Thursday afternoon.
I tossed my phone onto the bed and scrubbed my hands down my face. It was fucked up, the way I needed her to keep me even-keeled. Ava made everything better in my life. It wasn’t fair to put such a heavy load on her, especially when she had no clue how much she meant to me.
But I wasn’t about to back off, even though I was selfish to put my needs above hers.
Then again, could Wolf be right and her feelings had changed? Was it possible she felt more than friendship for me? I could only hope.
I dropped onto the bed, grabbed my phone, and replied.
Ire: Sure. Whenever you want.
Ava: Great! Thursday it is. What are you doing tonight?
Ire: Nothing. I’m in my room. You?
Ava: I’m in bed with the TV on.
Ire: Thought you were going to bed early?
Ava: I couldn’t sleep.
Ire: Are you okay?
When she didn’t reply instantly, as she had been doing, I launched off the bed and called her.
“Hello.”
“Are you okay?” I paced in my small room. She knew better. If something was wrong or she had a panic attack, she was supposed to call me.
“Just lonely, Drew.”
I stopped. “Lonely?”
“Mhm. I put a show on to help me sleep.”
“Oh. You had me worried it was something else.”
“You’re always worried about me. I’m stronger than you think, y’know.”
“I know you are. That doesn’t mean I’ll stop worrying about you. Tell me what you need.”