2
Storm
I rode my Harley down one gravel dirt road after another, reliving the night my life changed forever. After what felt like forever, I wound up at a lake I’d never been to before. It was after eleven o’clock. No one was out this late, just me and the night critters.
I fuckin’ felt slashed open, bleeding out of my chest. To add insult to injury, a storm crashed down on me. I nearly skidded into a ditch twice. Lightning lit up the sky.
Just like that night.
As the rain poured on me, I was transported back to the day I killed Tommy. I wasn’t at Lake Garrison–drunk off my ass with Toby, wanting to get laid on grad night. But it felt the same. Rain and thunder used to trigger me, sending me spiraling back to that day. It took some time but I’d worked through that shit. Compartmentalized it. When the anniversary of Tommy’s death rolled around in June, I’d let myself grieve. I’d drink myself stupid and drown in the guilt that I never got over. Knowing who Madeline really was made me weak. It broke me.
All the memories roared back at the club’s party. Gut-twisting guilt I’d lived with for over a decade shredded me to pieces, right in front of little Maddy Hamilton. She witnessed my destruction. As I rode my bike, I only sunk deeper into the depths of hell.
I was a fucked up man.
Rain always brought my demons to the surface. It put me in a foul mood. Why did it have to fuckin’ rain on the night I discovered Angel was the sister of the boy I killed?
Why did the universe have to suck some major ass?
I faced the lake, squatting before I dropped my ass onto the soggy grass. How did I not know the woman I’d fallen in love with was that little firecracker?
Well, she sure as hell didn’t look anything like the skinny little kid who used to follow me around with stars in her eyes. Fuck no. Little Maddy had grown into a beautiful, effervescent woman.
Thinking about it now, little Maddy had been quite the smartass back in the day. A stubborn, determined firecracker exactly like my Angel.
How did I not see the similarities?
I hadn’t told her my last name and she hadn’t told me hers. Was that normal? Why hadn’t it ever occurred to either of us?
If I had known from day one, would we be where we were today? Hell no. I killed her brother. I wouldn’t have had sex with Madeline or fallen in love if I knew her true identity. I sure as hell wouldn’t have put my mark on her or made her my old lady.
Fuck. I had to do something.
If I’d known who she was in the very beginning, Angel wouldn’t be mine. I would be the same guilt-ridden, angry, empty man I was before she appeared on stage beneath the bright spotlight.
It fuckin’ killed me to imagine never being with her again. How could I, though? Not after what I’d done to her brother, her family… to her.
A renegade tear slipped out the corner of my eye. I flicked it away as the roar of motorcycles disturbed the quiet I desperately needed. I’d only been here a short time. Maybe thirty minutes. I knew my brothers would come for me after the way I took off.
Sugar had followed me to my bike, begging me to talk to her, begging to know what was going on. But I couldn’t deal and told her to leave me the hell alone. Not my finest moment.
Since I had my phone, my brothers could easily find me with the tracking app all club members were required to keep turned on. I couldn’t disappear like I wanted to. Shoulda left my phone to get some fuckin’ peace.
Not long after the engines shut off, I heard boots sloshing through the wet ground. I was sure Track was one of them. He was my closest brother and would always find me. Go to the ends of the earth, if needed.
Two sets of boots appeared, one pair on each side of me. Track and Lynx sat on the wet grass and exhaled relieved breaths.
My brothers gave me time and space to process. It was what I needed most. I appreciated their understanding.
“Tell me what you need, brother.” Track pushed a flask into my hand.
I removed the cap and took a long pull, welcoming the burn. “Don’t need nothin’.”
“Bullshit,” he hissed.
I took another swig of whiskey. Track knew the guilt and shame flowing through my veins. My other brothers didn’t know all the details about the first person I killed. Uncle Matt had said they didn’t need to. Maybe if they had, they wouldn’t have revered me as much. They’d know what a savage piece of shit I really was for ending the life of a young boy.
We sat in silence for a while as I drank. There wasn’t anything to say. My past finally caught up with me, just when I found a woman who meant everything to me. Who loved me unconditionally. I had peace and happiness for the first time in twelve years. Now I had more torment than ever before.