“I do.”
Thank fuck. I knew it.
“But you probably have a disease or something. I should go.”
My joy plummeted as she crawled off the bed.
“I always wear a condom. I’m clean.” Of course, why should Rita take my word for it? She wasn’t a stupid woman. I could tell the day I met her she wasn’t gullible or ditzy like some women I’d met. But I was clean. I didn’t take STDs lightly.
Rita’s hazel-green depths were shiny and glossy. The disappointment in them broke a piece of me.
None of this made any sense. Why would she want to leave when the chemistry between us was like a megaquake on the Richter scale? We were beyond epic together, and I hadn’t even gotten her under me yet.
“But what about all the other women you’ve been with in the past?” She blinked, squaring her shoulders.
I wasn’t ready to talk about myself or my anger and trust issues.
“What do you want me to say? It’s not like we were together.”
She nodded her head over and over. “I know, I know. I guess I…”
“You what?”
“I like you, Nik. If I didn’t, I could fuck you on the spot. God, you’re so damn sexy and infuriating. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. Then today, spending time with you… I just can’t let you screw me like the others. I’d feel used and worthless.”
“No,” I gritted out and went to her. I cupped her face firmly in my hands. “You aren’t worthless and never will be. You’re not just a warm body to me.” Pouring my heart out to a woman ranked up there with bamboo shoots under the fingernails. Or, hell, getting my dick chopped off. It was excruciating as hell, admitting my feelings.
She furrowed her brow and laid her hand on my chest. “I’m not? Then what am I?”
Fuck if I knew what she was to me. But she wasn’t like any of the dozens of women I’d fucked over the years. I opened my mouth and word vomited.
“The calm to the storm brewing inside me. When I see you or I’m near you, I feel anchored, steady and safe. I feel…” I swallowed down the growing lump in my throat. This being vulnerable shit wasn’t me at all.
But making Rita understand she meant more to me was more important than my own feelings and insecurities.
“You feel what?” Both her hands were on my chest now—one over my heart, slamming against my rib cage.
“I feel at peace. And Rita, I never feel like that. I’m always angry. On the edge of losing control and exploding.” I bit down on my back molars and gripped Rita’s waist because I was so afraid she was going to run out of my bedroom and out of my life forever.
The pull I had in my core, drawing me to Rita, was a fierce motherfucker. It put this pressure in my chest, a tingling in my limbs, and a burning behind my eyes. If she left me, rejected me, it might be catastrophic. I didn’t know if I could handle the abandonment.
She rubbed her small hand over my heart, staring into my eyes, into my soul. Who was this woman? How could she tear down my walls, rip me open with her caring hazel-green eyes, and get me to bare my fucking soul?
I didn’t have a clue. Here I was practically naked because I was sure we were going to fuck. But instead, this felt like a come-to-Jesus moment. An anointment, a cleansing of my spirit. Just me, sweet Rita, and the Man himself above.
I didn’t deserve Rita Rocha. Hell, I hardly even knew her. But my heart seemed to know who she was and so did my soul.
“Nik?” My name dropped from her lips all breathy and soft, and it made the hairs on my arms rise.
“Yeah, baby?” I squeezed her trim waist, enjoying the chance to touch her.
“Can we start over? I mean, being who we really are and not hiding what’s here.” She patted the spot over my heart. “If we like each other, let’s not pretend we don’t.”
Could she break me any more than she already had? Her request was genuine and sweet. No chance would I deny her.
“Anything you want, Rita. You name it and it’s yours.” Who was I? Clearly, a man possessed by a beautiful, caring woman.
“Okay, I want you to date me.” She went for it, hardcore making her demands. I liked her even more. She wasn’t afraid to go after exactly what she wanted. It was refreshing, when so many women I’d known only wanted sex and gifts, nothing more. “I want to hold your hand on the beach and feel your arms around me as we watch the sun dip below the ocean. I want to cook you dinner, flirt while we eat it, and make out on your sofa. I want to do this the old-fashioned way. Are you up for that, Mr. Tough Guy?”