Manson went to get his own clothes as Jess and I shuffled back down the hallway to the bedroom. I pulled a few things out of the closet for her as she put the jewelry back in her piercings.
“Your parents come back the day after tomorrow, right?” She nodded, and I continued, “I’ll drop by your house tomorrow and see what I can do about the security system. They still need to replace the damn thing, but you at least need something that works in the meantime.”
There was a clever look in her narrowed eyes as she watched me. “You only decided I need securityafteryou fucked me?”
I brought over some clothes for her, dumping them on the bed before I grabbed her ass and pulled her against me. “That pussy absolutely needs its own security detail. But I can’t follow you around twenty-four-seven, so…”
The way she was looking up at me brought her face close to mine, her entire body pressed against me. “Careful, Jason. If you keep talking about protecting me, I might end up thinking youcare.”
A dismissive sound left me. “Yeah, yeah, I’m just protecting my property. Don’t read into it.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” she said. It all sounded like a tease, but was there any truth in it? Did she want us to care? Or did she already know that we did and thought we were foolish for it?
She dressed, yawning again as she pulled my t-shirt over her head. It did something to me to see her standing there in my clothes. The sweatpants were pooling a bit around her ankles and the shirt was too big, but as she pulled it over her head, I swore I saw her pause for a moment and sniff.
She still hadn’t taken the collar off, and it jingled every time she moved, so she couldn’t have forgotten it.
Manson poked his head into the room. “Ready?”
Jess nodded before she turned back to me. “Thanks for the clothes. And for a really fun time.” She kissed me, the touch of her lips too quick. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I almost asked her to stay. I nearly dragged her back and told her she’d be coming to bed with me.
But then she was gone; Manson wrapping his arms around her shoulders and walking her down the hall.
I collapsed onto the bed, scrubbing my hands over my face before I stared up at the ceiling. This was exactly whatwasn’tsupposed to happen. This feeling, this…longing. The reawakening of a high school crush that had somehow intensified despite time and distance.
When I’d transferred to Wickeston High, Jess and Vincent had been my first true temptations to sin. A seductress and a jester, challenging my carefully guarded thoughts. I was used to being surrounded by rules, to living with the guilt of being a sinner who must repent, repent, repent. Do not give into temptation. Worship. Pray. Beg for forgiveness.
But then the floodgates opened. Jess was untouchable,beautiful, proud. Vincent was tempting, seductive, too damn charming to resist. Back then, the reality of what I was facing hit me hard. I couldn’t choose one or the other. I couldn’t settle.
I couldn’t live as anything less than fully myself, unless I wanted to remain in an endless cycle of praying for forgiveness of my own nature.
The Jessica I’d known back then had surrounded herself with all the right people. She’d presented herself as picture-perfect. That’s what you did when you were pretending, when you were trying to prove that you belonged. The “right” people had been her armor and the “perfect” life was her own grand production. Her peers were her audience.
Now, the curtain was drawn and the costumes were gone. Jessica was just Jess, a woman trying to figure out who the hell she was like the rest of us.
I didn’t know what it meant — for her, or for us. Time and distance hadn’t kept us from being pulled back together again, but for what? This was the woman we weren’t meant to have, whose life plans were going to take her away from us again.
Vincent claimed her showing up again was a “sign,” but a sign ofwhat,I truly didn’t know.
35
Jessica
The Mustang’s interior was pristine as I slid onto the leather passenger seat. It smelled like Manson inside — that distinctly dark, spiced chocolate scent I’d come to know as his.
“Any preference on music?” he said. He cranked the engine and the Mustang roared to life, the entire car trembling before it settled. Almost everything inside looked original, except for the speakers, radio, and the thick purple bars that extended around the interior like a cage. I recognized them as similar to the ones in Vincent’s car, and I wondered if Manson had cuffs dangling from his too.
“Surprise me,” I said, watching as he flicked through a playlist on his phone while the car idled. He picked a song and adjusted the volume, a hauntingly ethereal voice coming from the speakers.
“I have to let the car warm up before we leave,” he said. “It’ll be a few minutes.”
We sat in silence, the engine quieting slightly as we waited. I was so tired; my muscles were weak with exhaustion. But the clothing Jason had put me in was warm and cozy, swaddling me in his scent.
Part of me didn’t want to leave. Up in Jason’s bedroom, I’d been tempted to collapse back into bed, pull Jason and Mansonclose and demand Lucas snuggle up too. Lying there with them had felt so comfortable, so normal. Like I was meant to be there.
I cleared my throat, unable to bear the silence any longer. “When did you get the Mustang?”