I could taste the ash in his mouth, bitter and dark, but it felt so right. A kiss from Lucas Bent was supposed to hurt, it was supposed to drip with venom, and it did. His hand curled around my neck, his body pressing between my legs and spreading them open. My chest was heaving for air, but I couldn’t stop, didn’t want to stop. My heart was hammering, and I was so furious, so disgusted, so viciously turned on. His hand trailed over my body, rough and hard, when he pulled up my dress and pressed himself against me.
“Terrible taste,” he murmured again. “What are you fucking with trash for, huh? Pretty little thing like you.” His hand slidover my panties and cupped me, palm rubbing against me, making my breath hitch and a groan burst out of me. “But for your information, I didn’t fuck Veronica.”
I was ashamed of how relieved I felt. I jerked against his hand, his fingers stroking a teasing circle over my clit. I’d fantasized about this so many times. I’d spent so many months imagining myself with him. Only the tiniest amount of self-control had stood between me and this.
I wanted his fingers inside me. I wanted to shove him back and ride his cock until I came.
He held me pinned against the door, forcing another gasp out of me with his rough fingers.
“Isn’t this fucking typical?” he said. “You change your tone the second we’ve got some privacy.”
“Typical…” I could barely get my breath. “Wha-what the hell does that mean?”
He withdrew his hand, leaving me panting against the door in utter confusion as he said, “It means you’re a goddamn hypocrite.”
Instantly, like flicking a switch, my anger flared. But my legs were splayed around him obscenely, my panties damp with the arousal he’d ignited in me. Humiliation flooded me in a fiery wave.
“Excuseme?” My words trembled with adrenaline. “What the fuck are you doing? You can’t just…you can’t…”
“I can’twhat?” he hissed. “I can’t stop? I already did. A taste of your own medicine, little ghost.”
I shoved his chest hard, and he laughed as he backed off. “Fuck you,” I muttered. “Seriously, fuck you, Lucas. I’m walking back. This is bullshit —”
I reached for the door handle, but he grabbed my arm, pulling me back. “Sorry, sweetheart, but you need to hear this. Don’t act shocked that I’m going to speak my mind. What the fuck is yourdeal? Here you are hanging out with the same assholes that tried to make our lives hell, but then you want to fuck around with us the second you have us alone.”
He may as well have slapped me. I blinked rapidly, my conflicting emotions choking my words.
“Do you have any idea how much it wrecked Manson when you ghosted?” he said. “He was so scared that he’d fucked up and hurt you, because you couldn’t manage some basic communication.” He shook his head, the disgust evident on his face. “I guess we all thought about it. That we’d pushed you too far.”
“You didn’t.” The words burst out of me so quickly I didn’t even think about what I was saying until it was already out. I’d known ghosting was shitty, but I genuinely hadn’t thought it would make them worry. “None of you hurt me. That night was weird…and amazing…and…” I shrugged helplessly. “I didn’t know what to do, okay? The next morning, I...I don’t know. It wasn’t supposed to be a long-term thing.”
He nodded slowly as he took in my words, staring at my hand as it lay on the seat.
My hand with the tiny heart-shaped cut on my finger.
I made a fist and snatched it back, but it was too late. He scoffed, leaning his head back as he looked at me.
“Those boys are everything to me,” he said. “They’re the closest damn thing to family I’ve got. But if Ieverthought one of them had hurt you, I’d fucking beat their ass myself.” His expression left me no room not to believe him. He’d meant it, viciously. “But I know what you’re doing. You want to take as much as you can and give nothing back. You wanted us. You still do.”
He’d already proven it too. I didn’t have a leg to stand on, only anger and my battered pride.
“So what, Lucas?” I snapped. “What exactly was I supposed to do? Start hooking up with all of you? Date one of you? Am Isupposed to put on a collar and submit?”
In the deepest, darkest recesses of my mind, I’d imagined what it would be like. No more games, no more one-night stands. What would my life be like if I embraced what felt so right and never looked back?
I’d let Manson fuck me with the knife he’d threatened my ex with. I’d let them cuff my hands and fuck my face, one after the other. I’d crawled, cried, endured, and come out on the other side feeling awakened. It was like nothing else I’d ever experienced. It had fulfilled a need I hadn’t known was there.
How could they even expect something like that to work? Why would theywantit to work? My family would never understand, most of my friends would literally abandon me.
“That’s what you want,” Lucas said. “You wish you could, but you’re so hung up on what everyone else will think that you keep pretending to be someone you’re not. Is that really how you want to live?”
I shook my head. “You don’t get it. It’s not that simple. I don’t know why you think it’ssimple.”
“Oh, but it isrealsimple, Jess.” His drawl got thicker the more irritated he became. “You want us and you don’t think you should. That’s why you act like this. That’s why you’re sitting across from me right now. You spent all of high school harassing us so you could be near us, so you’d have an excuse to flirt with what you knew youshouldn’thave.” He was still firmly in my space, crowding me but not touching me. “This isn’t high school. This isn’t one of your frat parties. We’re not kids anymore. Do you get that? It’s all in or nothing. Those boys are my brothers. They’re my family. They come before everything. You don’t get to manipulate us for attention.”
We sat there for a moment, silent, our eyes locked.
He was right. Guilt bubbled up in me despite my pride trying to beat it down. The games, the teasing, the constant back and forth— this couldn’t go on forever. Something had to give.