“Some time ago, I had an association with one Lady Ensley. At the time, I believed her widowed, for that was what she told me. It was something of a tawdry affair, and is something I now regret. However, it became clear that she wasnotwidowed, as she had said, but rather that her husband had been at his estate while she was in London.” This was all said in a low voice, but Deborah felt as though it were being shouted so that everyone in the house could hear him. “At that point, I ended our acquaintance entirely and, much to my relief, thetondid not come to know of it. Lord Harrogate, being my friend, knew of the lady and what had taken place, but swore that he would not say anything.” His jaw worked for a moment. “However, it seems that when he has imbibed too much, he then speaks of what he ought not to – and Lord Thornley uses that to his advantage.”
This was all becoming a little overwhelming and Deborah took in three long breaths before she asked something more. Closing her eyes, she straightened her shoulders and then looked directly at Lord Thornley.
“And this relates somehow to the bet that you made with Lord Harrogate?”
Lord Thornley grimaced and looked away, clearly refusing to answer.
“If you will not tell her, then I shall do so.” Lord Havisham spread his hands. “Surely one of you has enough courage!”
The taunt was enough to loosen Lord Harrogate’s tongue.
“I made a bet with Lord Thornley thatIcould gain your affections first.”
“And whoever did not succeed would be required to pay the agreed amount,” Lord Thornley interjected, angrily. “But Lord Havisham discovered it and wanted very much to tell you about it.”
Lord Havisham’s hand came back to her arm, drawing Deborah’s attention.
“It was not because I did not think you could be happy with Lord Thornley but rather because I discovered that the bet was only about stealing your affections. They would not, thereafter, seek to court you or wed you. It was only about the money.”
Deborah’s eyes closed as a heavy weight settled itself on her heart. In Lord Thornley and Lord Harrogate’s eyes, she was naught but a lowly creature able to be used for their own purposes rather than giving a fig for what she would feel or endure.
“I see.”
“Thornley threatened to tell everyone about Lady Ensley. That ought not to have been enough of an impetus to keep me silent, but it was.” Lord Havisham turned to face her a little more and Deborah swallowed hard as she looked up at him, blinking back hot tears. “That was wrong of me, Miss Fullerton, and I can only apologize.”
She nodded stiffly, a lump aching in her throat.
“That was why you did not want me to dance with Lord Thornley?”
“Precisely. I could not – Ithoughtthat I could not tell you the truth, but I could prevent Lord Thornley from encouraging your affections one way or the other. Unfortunately, I ended up injuring you instead.” He spread one hand out wide whilst still pressing her arm with the other. “I am truly sorry, Miss Fullerton. I did not do right in this situation, and I can only offer you my sincere apologies.”
Everything now had become quite clear: the reason for his sudden change of heart as regarded her dancing, the strange manner in which he had behaved thereafter and the anger in his expression whenever he had looked at Lord Thornley.
“I wanted to protect you, but I also wanted to protect myself,” Lord Havisham murmured, his shoulders dropping. “Yet the more I considered it, the more I came to realize that it was not what I wanted to do. If you recall, Ididwant to speak with you on certain matters, but we were simply not granted the time required for such a thing! Although, given the importance of the matter, I ought to have made it my priority.”
“I understand why you did not want to tell me about the bet.” Deborah lifted one shoulder, then dropped it again. “There are always things in one’s past that one wishes to keep hidden.” Her heart squeezed painfully as she thought of her father, knowing that, as yet, Lord Havisham did not know the truth in its entirety. “You need not apologize anymore.”
She did not smile, but there was no heaviness in her chest any longer. In fact, there was something of a relief in finally understanding it all.
“I am sure that there are many thingsyouwould wish to keep hidden from Lord Havisham.”
Another voice chimed in, and Deborah closed her eyes, clenching her teeth hard. For whatever reason, Lady Vivian had decided to interject herself into the conversation when she was unwelcome, and her input entirely unwarranted.
“We do not require your presence, Lady Vivian.”
Lord Havisham’s voice was hard, but it seemed as though the lady was determined to ignore him, for she came to stand directly opposite Deborah, tilting her head gently and lifting one eyebrow in question. Deborah drew in a long breath, set her shoulders, and lifted her chin.
Would Lady Vivian never leave her alone?
Chapter Sixteen
Telling Miss Fullerton the truth – whilst difficult – had brought Jonathan a great deal of relief. The heaviness which had wrapped around his heart like a heavy weight was gone, although he marveled at Miss Fullerton’s understanding. She could easily have held his poor choices against him but instead, she had responded with kindness and generosity of spirit.
All the more reason to think well of her.
“I am sure that there are many thingsyouwould wish to keep hidden from Lord Havisham.”
A surge of irritation raced through him, his skin prickling.