The room was very large indeed and there were a huge number of guests, rendering Deborah rather hopeless that she would ever be able to discover him. Her waltz was not for some time yet and Lord Havisham might be anywhere in amongst the crowd of the ballroom – if not in the card room or wandering in the gardens! A little panicked, Deborah pressed one hand to her stomach, fighting to keep hold of her composure. In her mind’s eye, Deborah saw Lady Vivian reaching for Lord Havisham, grasping for him in as wanton a manner as she could display, knowing that, in doing so, thetonwould think there was much affection between Lord Havisham and Lady Vivian, and would expect marriage thereafter.
I must stop this.A knife twisted in her gut as the vision played out again.For his sake, I must find him.
Her breath caught as she saw Lady Vivian, her head bent low towards that of another young lady. Miss Newfield stood by her, her face still rather pale and her lips pinched in clear distress. Deborah, her heart hammering, watched as Lady Vivian turned on her heel, her delicate curls swinging gently as she walked purposefully in one direction. Having no other recourse, Deborah followed her.
Lady Vivian walked beside her friend, arm in arm and clearly without a single thought about the fact that she was, at present, unchaperoned by her mother. Deborah assumed that they would remain in the ballroom, only to come to a hesitant stop as both ladies walked out into the hallway.
She glanced over her shoulder. Had she been in any other gown then she might very well have been ignored but, given that she was dressed in finery, her walking alone would be noticed by someone, surely? Her eyes closed but she thought only of Lord Havisham. Risking her reputation would be worth it, if she were to save him from scandal and, thereafter, a lifetime of misery. Taking a deep breath, Deborah set her shoulders, lifted her chin, and walked directly out after Lady Vivian, her footsteps muffled on the soft carpet. It did not take her long to catch Lady Vivian and Lady Catherine, for they were walking slowly now and with their heads bent close together. Keeping as far back as she could, Deborah waited quietly in the shadows, seeing them stop altogether. Then, with a final nod and press of the hands, Lady Vivian slipped away whilst Lady Catherine turned to the left, making her way along the hallway. Deborah hurried forward, turning her head but Lady Vivian was already gone.
What am I to do?
Deborah swallowed hard, looking from one side to the other. She had no knowledge of where Lady Vivian might be, but Lady Catherine it seemed did was making her way to the card room. Hurrying forward, Deborah ensconced herself in a small alcove, peering around it carefully. She could still make out Lady Catherine thanks to the many candles which burned to light the hallway whilst she remained hidden in shadow.
He must be in there. They must have known that he went to the card room.
Silently, Deborah watched from the corner of the hallway as Lady Catherine spoke to the footman near the card room, her urgent tones floating down towards her. Whatever she was saying, the footman nodded and then disappeared inside – only for Lady Catherine to flee down the hallway. Deborah pulled back sharply, frightened that she would be seen, but Lady Catherine swept by without a backward glance. Deborah followed her with her eyes, seeing her disappear along the hallway in the opposite direction and making no attempt to return to the ballroom. Whatever it was Lady Vivian had planned, Deborah knew it was not good.
“An urgent matter, did you say?” Lord Havisham’s voice swept down the hallway and Deborah closed her eyes, staying exactly where she was for fear that she would be seen by one or more gentlemen who might then wonder what she was doing hiding herself in such a place. “Where is the lady?”
“I suspect she returned to your mother, my Lord.” The footman cleared his throat. “The parlor is only a little way further past the ballroom. Shall I accompany you?”
Deborah did not hear his reply but the sound of only one set of footsteps caught her ears and she let out a slow breath. Turning, she peered around the edge of the alcove again, just as Lord Havisham drew near. Without having any thought as to what she was doing, Deborah reached out and grasped his arm, tugging him quickly towards her.
“Lord Havisham!”
Her whisper and her grasp startled him for he let out a small exclamation and, off balance, practically fell against her. The wind was knocked from her lungs but the relief which poured into her whole being was overwhelming and she sagged against him. Regardless of what happened now, regardless of who had noticed her walking from the ballroom without Lady Havisham, at least Lord Havisham was safe.
“Miss Fullerton?”
Lord Havisham stared down at her in the gloom and Deborah nodded, barely able to lift her head.
“Are you all right?”
His hands were on her arms, stroking down towards her hands, his fingers brushing hers before catching them completely.
“I am well,” she breathed, her chest still aching but her relief unbounded. “Lord Havisham, I must –”
Her words were cut off as, in that one, beautiful moment, his head lowered, and his mouth caught hers. The heat of his kiss burned her, rendering her senseless. All thoughts flew from her head, all concern fled from her heart as she lost herself completely in Lord Havisham’s kiss.
Chapter Fourteen
Iam kissing her.
The astonishment of what he was doing still ran through Jonathan as he tilted his head and deepened their kiss a little more. His hand freed itself from her fingers, only to reach up and cradle her cheek as she tentatively rested both hands lightly against his chest. This was so entirely unexpected and yet it felt as though he had just found something so incredibly precious that he did not want to let her go. The awareness of just how much she had come to mean to him suddenly dropped heavily into his mind, his breath hitching all the more.
He broke the kiss reluctantly, hearing the raggedness of her breathing.
“When I saw you this evening, I was certain that I had never before seen anything so beautiful,” he whispered, all too aware of just how much her beauty had struck him. He had been unable to pull his eyes away, lost in the wonder of her and struggling to make sense of the great myriad of emotions that had swamped him. “I had to have the waltz with you, for it is the most intimate and I could not have you share it with any other.”
Miss Fullerton closed her eyes and dragged in air, her hands still flat against his chest.
“Lord Havisham, I –” She shook her head tightly as if demanding silently that she return to her previous intentions. But then her shoulders dropped, and she smiled, opening her eyes. “I wanted very much to dance it with you, Lord Havisham.”
There was a slight air of nervousness flowing from her, as though she was concerned that he would suddenly step back from her, satisfied with what had taken place and then requiring nothing more of her.
“There has been so much confusion between us, has there not?” Gently, he tipped her chin up, bending his head just to look into her eyes a little more. “I have not yet explained myself as regards Lord Thornley and the dancing and the ball – but you must know that some of it came from my own desires to be with you.”
Blinking, Miss Fullerton let out a small sigh and then smiled.