Her smile was closer to a sneer.
“I do not believe so. But have no doubt, Lord Havisham, you are making a foolish mistake to pursue such a lady when there is far better before you.” Jonathan said nothing, not wanting to express to Lady Vivian the truth of his thoughts for fear that would make her all the more upset. To his mind, when considering Lady Vivian and Miss Fullerton, there was no comparison. The latter was far more than the former, both in terms of character and indeed, as regarded his own considerations of them both. “You will see the truth very soon, I am determined.” Lady Vivian surprised him by stepping closer still, her breath brushing across his face, her hand reaching up to press lightly against his heart as though she were determined to force her way into his affections. “You must only pray that it is not too late.”
Turning on her heel, Lady Vivian departed, stepping into the music room, and leaving him to stand alone. Jonathan let out a long sigh, allowing it to roll forward and out from his chest, taking away a good deal of tension with it. He had, at least, made himself quite clear with Lady Vivian and could only pray that she now turned her attentions elsewhere. Quite what she had meant by her last few words he did not know, but Jonathan quickly threw any concern aside. If she stayed far from him, then he would have naught to concern himself with.
“Good evening, Lord Havisham.”
A soft voice caught his ears and he half-turned, just as Miss Fullerton walked directly past him. Her hands were clasped in front of her, her head held high, and she did not so much as glance at him as she made her way to the music room.
“Miss Fullerton, I –”
Just how much did she see?
Jonathan closed his eyes as Miss Fullerton continued walking, making no sign of even considering stopping or returning to his company to listen to what he had to say. Instead, she went directly into the music room and allowed the door to swing closed behind her, leaving him standing, his words unfinished on his lips.
Dropping his head, Jonathan raked one hand through his hair, groaning aloud. Miss Fullerton had, certainly, seen or heard something, but what it was, he could not be sure. The accusations that Lady Vivian had flung at him about caring for Miss Fullerton rang in his ears and Jonathan did not immediately throw them aside. Instead, he allowed them to linger, let them push their way into his heart so that he might consider all that lay there. Yes, hedidwant to protect Miss Fullerton. Yes, hewasdrawn to her in a way that he could not explain, for even their waltz together had not left his mind in some days. And yes, he did think her better than any other young lady of his acquaintance, even though she was lower in standing than many of them.
What did such feelings and considerations mean? Was Lady Vivian correct when she stated that he felt something significant for the lady? And if he did, then what was he meant to do next?
Chapter Twelve
Try as she might, Deborah could not remove the memory of Lady Vivian brushing her hand lightly across Lord Havisham’s chest. Nor could she push away the words that she had overheard, her heart sinking low in her chest every time she considered them. Lady Vivian clearly had every intention of declaring her feelings in full to Lord Havisham and he, in turn, would be unable to turn away from them, Deborah was quite sure. She fully expected that a courtship, if not a betrothal, would be announced soon and, whilst she wanted very much to be glad for Lord Havisham, there came such a strange, unrelenting pain in her heart at the thought. It was a pain so strong that Deborah felt as though she could never escape it.
“You are tired, my dear.”
Deborah smiled as Lady Havisham came to sit down opposite her at the breakfast table. She had managed to arrive before the lady this morning, although it was a good deal later than they usually broke their fast. Last evening had been an enjoyable, but very late, affair and even now, Deborah had to admit that she was fatigued.
“I am quite well.”
“My son has not appeared as yet?”
Deborah’s smile flew from her lips.
“Not as yet, Lady Havisham.”
The lady frowned, grimacing as she did so.
“He is avoiding my company –ourcompany, I am sure of it.” Choosing not to give air to her thoughts – which were that she did not mind the lack of Lord Havisham’s company – Deborah merely gave Lady Havisham a soft smile and then turned to her attention to buttering her toast. “That Lady Vivian was with him again last evening.”
Deborah nodded, ignoring the kick of pain which came with the mention of the lady’s name.
“Indeed, I believe so. Lord Havisham must be very inclined to her company.”
Lady Havisham snorted.
“Well, if he is, then he has not informed me of it. Although I will say that I know he has not been going to call upon her as yet.” She poured her own tea and then stirred it carefully. “Perhaps that will come in time.”
Deborah’s lips bunched, but she remained silent. Lady Vivian might well be a suitable match for Lord Havisham in terms of her wealth and social standing, but from what Deborah had overheard and seen of Lady Vivian’s character, she thought her entirely unmatched with Lord Havisham. It was a little surprising to her that, even though Lord Havisham had treated her in such a dreadful manner at the last ball, she still found herself thinking well of him on the whole.
A small sigh escaped her lips, noticed by Lady Havisham. As yet, Lord Havisham had not explained his reasons for demanding that she no longer step out with any other gentleman that evening. Whenever she thought of it, Deborah’s chest grew tight and her eyes hot, just as they did at this very moment. Trying to steady herself, Deborah closed her eyes quickly and took in a long, calming breath in what she hoped was a surreptitious manner.
They had not spoken of it since that evening and she, for her part, struggled to even look at Lord Havisham with any sort of steadiness. She was waiting for him to bring up the subject in conversation, waiting for him to say something – anything – about why he had forbidden her from dancing, but as yet, he had not said a word. Confusion, upset and shame all tied themselves together within her but still, within her core there lay a small, flickering hope that Lord Havisham had done such a thing for a good and wholesome reason. She had enough experience of his renewed character to allow such a hope to continue burning, even though it was beginning to weaken with every day that passed. Another sigh left her lips as she opened her eyes, reaching to stir her tea. Lord Havisham would not leave her thoughts and Deborah, for her part, had no desire to remove him from her mind as yet.
Her shoulders dropped as the memory of his fingers brushing across her cheek threw itself at her heart. There had been a tenderness in that moment which had both frightened and exhilarated her and that, she was sure, had led to her enviousness over Lord Havisham dancing with Lady Vivian. In the depths of her heart, Deborah confessed quietly to herself that she wanted Lord Havisham to look at her as though she were the only lady worthy of his attention – even though such a thing could never be.
“You are quiet this morning.”
Her eyes flew up to meet Lady Havisham’s.