That thought would not leave him. It went around and around in his mind. If she was a lady of quality, then there could be nothing holding him back. There was no reason for him to pull back from his feelings for her. And yet, something was tugging him away from such an idea. Patrick could not quite place it, but there was still a part of him which remained quite uncertain. He closed his eyes.
There would be a scandal. Whether they wished it or not, somehow, someone would realize that Lady Albina had once been his governess and all of London, if not all of England, would be abuzz with the news. Patrick’s stomach twisted. That would bring him the sort of attention that he had always attempted to avoid. The high opinion that thetonheld of him would shatter into a million pieces that could never again be restored. Was that something he was willing to give up entirely? Yes, he cared for the lady, but the thought of falling so far from grace was a difficult idea to swallow.
“Whatever is the matter with you?” Lord Hogarth sidled up to Patrick, his brow furrowed. “You appear to be in the depths of sorrow given the expression on your face!”
Patrick sighed.
“I have many things on my mind, Hogarth.”
“None should be as important as the final evening of your house party, not if you wish to leave a strong impression upon your guests.”
“A strong impression?”
Lord Hogarth shrugged.
“As you told me yourself, your sole intention for the house party was to show your wealth and your situation to your guests. They will, of course, think well of you and, upon their return – whether to London or to their own estate – will spread news of your marvelous house party to others. Thus, you will find yourself held in high esteem by all of theton, just as you wish to be, whilst those who are inferior to you will feel themselves to be so.”
There was no malice in his tone and Patrick dropped his head in embarrassment, ashamed that even only a few days ago, he had expressed that exact opinion to his friend. Had he truly been so arrogant? He had Lady Albina to thank for his change in behavior and viewpoint. In these last few days, he had found his priorities shifting so that he now considered Henry more than he considered himself. Lady Albina – when he had known her as Miss Trean – had given him more to think about than any other. His friends appeared to be quite contented to allow him to continue on just as he was, but Miss Trean had been the one to point out his failures. She had done so without any real gentleness, but he had come to appreciate that – especially when Henry had taken his hand and so sweetly called him ‘Uncle’. Even now, he could remember the gentle summer breeze on his cheek as he had stared in astonishment at her as she had told him quite frankly that his attitude towards his nephew was not at all pleasing. She had taken on none of his suggestions and Patrick was now grateful for her disregard. Henry had flourished and he had learned to see what was the most important in his life… and it certainly was not his standing in society.
Am I really willing to push her away simply to make sure that society continues to regard me more highly than almost any other?
“I do not find myself particularly concerned in that regard any longer.”
His voice dropped low as stabs of guilt began to throw their way into his heart.
“No?” Lord Hogarth’s eyebrows practically reached into his hair. “Indeed. That is most extraordinary.”
“Perhaps it is something which I ought to have rid myself of, a long time ago,” came Patrick’s quick response.
Hearing Lord Hogarth speak had shown Patrick the truth of his character, as it had been before Miss Trean arriving, and he knew now that it was not a place or a person he wanted to return to. To put his own standing in society before anything else was not only ridiculous, but it was also utterly selfish. Lady Albina had given up everything to avoid marriage to Lord Kingston, risking losing her reputation in doing so, whilst he had been doing all he could to make certain that he kept his reputation pristine. That had been his priority, hisonlyconcern. But now, in the light of what he had learned and come to love about Lady Albina, that no longer seemed to have any of its previous significance. So why was he still trying to cling onto it?
“It is your brother; I am certain of it.” Lord Hogarth spoke with confidence, dragging Patrick’s attention back towards him. “You are troubled by his absence, are you not?”
“I am, of course.”
“But I am certain that you will receive news from your brother’s man of business very soon,” came the reply, reminding Patrick that he had spoken of this particular thing to Lord Hogarth previously. “That is bound to bring you some relief.”
Patrick shook his head.
“I am not certain that will occur.” Quickly, he told Lord Hogarth what had taken place. “It appears that my response has been lost.”
“That is dreadful.” Lord Hogarth shook his head. “Will you write again?”
“No.” Patrick drew in a deep breath. “As soon as is possible, I shall make my way to London and speak to my brother’s man of business myself. That is the only way I shall be sure of a response.” Something shifted in Lord Hogarth’s expression, but Patrick could not make it out. Lord Hogarth’s eyes pulled away, his mouth twisting as if frustrated. “You cannot think poorly of me for doing so.”
“No, but you may think very poorly of me for being so selfish,” Lord Hogarth declared, as the music began again for yet another dance. “You had spoken of having another three house parties before the Season’s end and I had expected an invitation to all of them!”
Patrick shook his head.
“Alas, such things are no longer of any importance to me.”
Lord Hogarth let out a long, slow breath.
“I am being quite selfish, I know. I should be thinking of your brother and your present difficulties.”
Taking in another breath, Patrick decided to speak honestly to his friend.
“I am also considering matrimony,” he declared, sending Lord Hogarth’s eyebrows shooting towards his hairline. “Do not ask me about who it is I am considering for I will not tell you – but if I can make certain of a few things, then I fully intend to make certain that the lady I am thinking of will be my bride. And then what need have I for such things as house parties?”