Pressing his lips together tightly for a moment to keep back any further questions that sprang to his lips, Robert glanced down at her again. He wanted to express his apology to her first, before they began to discuss anything else.
“Miss Gregory, I did you a great wrong,” he said, finding each word difficult as it burned up his throat and seared his lips. “I spoke harshly and laid things at your door which held no truth and for that, I know I must apologize.”
She tipped her head gently, looking up at him with eyes which were swirling with various questions and, he considered, differing emotions. He did not know what else to say, waiting for her to speak, waiting for her to say something in answer to his statement.
“You greatly offended me, Lord Crampton.” Her words offered him no comfort, burning a hole in his heart, and making his shame increase all the more. It was a disconcerting and unsettling experience and not one which Robert appreciated. “You may not know my character particularly well, but I can assure you that I am not a cruel sort,” she continued, quietly. “I would never do such a thing as that. I might believe that your connection with the Duke of Strathaven poses various difficulties, but I certainly would never attempt to embarrass you in front of him. That would be cruel indeed.”
“I can see now that I was wrong,” he told her, wanting to rid himself of this feeling of guilt which continued to blossom within his heart, as though it loved resting there and disconcerting him so. “I should not even have entertained the thought. I can only give you my sincere apology, Miss Gregory. To have eventhoughtsuch a thing was deeply wrong.”
The wind blew gently between them, chasing Miss Gregory’s curls which danced about her temples as she continued to look up at him, trusting him to lead her along the path without difficulty. Robert found it hard to return her gaze, all too aware that all the guilt and shame he felt had not immediately evaporated the moment that he had apologized.
That is because there is more to say.
“I accept your apology, my Lord,” she murmured, softly. “It is honestly given, and I cannot withhold my forgiveness.” Her lips pulled into a gentle smile although that smile then faded almost immediately. “I must hope that you will be able to meet with the Duke and Duchess of Strathaven again very soon. I am sure that they will be glad to reacquaint themselves with you.”
Her tone had dulled, and Robert frowned, not quite sure what to say.
“That – that is not a connection that I am considering at present.” He cleared his throat, choosing to speak openly about what was within his heart. “My character is greatly flawed in your eyes, is it not?”
Miss Gregory looked surprised, her brows lifting and her eyes a little wider than before.
“Do you wish me to be truthful?”
He held out his free hand in front of him, palm upwards.
“Please.”
“Do you not already know?” A small smile pulled at one corner of her mouth, her eyes twinkling. “I am sure that I have stated it outright before - and that you did not much appreciate me doing so.”
He shrugged.
“Then I was a fool,” he replied, making her laugh. “Miss Gregory, you are the only lady in all of London who does not smile and laugh and delight in every aspect of my company. I should, by rights, be less than inclined towards you, and yet I find myself desiring entirely the opposite.”
“And so you are still here, asking me to tell you about the defect I see in your character,” she said, softly. “You know full well, Lord Crampton, that I have seen pride and arrogance in both your manner and conversation. That is not to say that you have no other qualities, but rather that these are the things which came to the fore at our first meeting, and I cannot help but surmise that they come simply because of your connection with the Duke.”
It was, for whatever reason, satisfying to hear her say it all so clearly. There came no anger nor upset to his heart but, instead, a small, steady calmness that quietened his spirits rather than sent them into an uproar.
He was not going to dismiss what Miss Gregory had said to him. No, he was going to allow it to rest in his heart and in his thoughts, so that it might pervade him and, perhaps, change his character more to that of someone whom Miss Gregory might think a good deal better of.
Why do you want her to have a better impression of your character?
“I have not upset you, I hope?”
The tentativeness in her voice made him look down at her sharply, only to then quickly force a smile so that the anxiety in her eyes would fade.
“No, not at all,” he promised. “I asked you to be truthful, Miss Gregory, and you have been so. I cannot be angry about that.” His expression relaxed, his smile becoming natural rather than forced. “I did inform you that there was more to my story than you know – although mayhap you do not wish to know it.” Taking in a deep breath, he continued to speak in that honest vein that was so unfamiliar to him. “My father was a merchant – the third son of the third son of a previous Earl of Crampton, so far removed from the nobility of today. My mother was a seamstress. We did not have any great claims and I lived my life with the expectation of following in my father’s footsteps – and for a time, I did. I worked alongside him, only to be informed that I was now to take on the title of the Earl of Crampton.”
Miss Gregory’s breath caught, and Robert smiled sadly at her obvious surprise.
“It was so unexpected. I shall not go into the complexities of the matter but needless to say, one moment I was a merchant’s son and the next, an Earl. Uncertain and unsure, I attempted to do all I could to gain the manner of an Earl, and only when I felt myself a little improved did I dare to make my way to London.”
“And that was last Season?”
He nodded.
“It was. From the very first day I set foot in town, I found myself fighting doubt and uncertainty. I was sure that I did not belong in amongst thetonand my greatest fear was that whispers and rumors would be spread all around London about me. I was not sure how I should make a respectable match when the time came, if I was considered the most ridiculous of fellows. And thus, when the situation with Lady Charlotte came about, I clung to all that the Duke of Strathaven offered me and used it to ensure my good standing in society. And since then, I have held fast to that one moment so that I do not lose myself in doubts and fear any longer.”
“That is… very intriguing, Lord Crampton.”