Lord Venables dropped his hand and sighed.
“Indeed. As I have said, I do not wish to injure you, nor make your difficulty all the greater, but given that you find yourself struggling with Miss Gregory’s remarks and, mayhap, your feelings for the lady in question, it seems a wise opportunity to speak openly with you. The young ladies that compliment you so very often and look at you with such admiration are the ones who are hopeful for your particular interest. This may be another moment when you realize that you have thought only of what their remarks do foryourstate of mind without giving any consideration to what they might seek from you instead.”
Robert ran one hand over his eyes, choosing to sit down on a wooden bench next to some petunias. The beauty and the perfume of the flowers brought him no joy, however, for he was much too caught up with what he had heard from Lord Venables. The truth was throwing some heavy weight down upon him and Robert struggled to shoulder the burden.
“I have always been very afraid that thetonwould reject me.” Mumbling, he spoke half to himself, half to Lord Venables. “It seems now that this fear has continued, even though the Duke’s particular friendship gave me more standing in society than I had ever hoped for.”
Lord Venables sighed and shook his head.
“I have set too much on you, I think.”
“No, I am grateful. I have much to think on.” Looking up, Robert gave his friend a small smile. “I think I shall sit here for a time.”
“Are you quite certain? We could make our way to Whites and–”
“No, please, I beg you. I am quite contented here.”
He smiled and assured his friend for the third time before Lord Venables took his leave.
Robert sighed and closed his eyes tightly. Just how did society view him? Did they think of him as an arrogant, overly confident fellow who sought out the attention of others but gave them nothing in return? His unwilling heart began to accept that he had a prideful appearance, one that covered his ongoing fear that he was not as the rest of the gentlemen in society and that, one day, someone would recall his past circumstances and the unusual ascension to the title and would spread rumors and gossip about him. That would make him shrink inwardly, to cling to the shadows as shame and embarrassment poured onto his head and thus, to ensure that such a thing never took place, he had tried to find a way to make certain that society always thought well of him.
But I have injured others in doing so.
“Lord Crampton.”
He looked up sharply, his eyes widening as he saw none other than Miss Gregory before him, her cheeks dappled by the shadows of the leaves above them which danced in the afternoon sun. Her aunt was nowhere to be seen and, much to Robert’s astonishment, she appeared to be quite alone. She was gently strolling along the path and clearly had only the intention of greeting him before continuing on her route, but Robert was there beside her in an instant.
“You need not accompany me, Lord Crampton.” Her tone was a little tight, her eyes darting to his for only a moment before slipping away. “My aunt is only a few steps away. I believe that she is conversing with an acquaintance for a few moments. It is a conversation that she did not wish me to overhear, nor be a part of, and thus, I was sent away. I am quite contented to walk alone for a few moments.”
“I – I should be glad to accompany you,” Robert found himself saying, an urge to walk with the lady who had invaded his thoughts for so long growing within his heart. “Even if it is only a short distance, I –”
“But you would be seen walking with a companion.”
The slight sharpness to her words had his face burning with embarrassment over his past behaviors.
“I do not think any less of you, Miss Gregory.”
“No?”
Again came that touch of disbelief in her words, the suspected awareness that she was, in his eyes, a good deal lesser than he.
Robert closed his eyes, letting out an exclamation of exasperation that he had not intended to reveal to her. It was only when he caught her looking at him sidelong that his embarrassment began to grow and, as the silence blossomed between them while Robert still found his steps following alongside hers, he felt the need to say something.
He saw Miss Gregory’s frown and then let out a sigh of frustration.
“Forgive me, Miss Gregory. I ought not to be continually walking with you when you have stated that you have no need for company. However, please be assured that I should very much like to walk with you for a time.”
Miss Gregory’s eyes narrowed slightly as she studied him as if searching for the truth in his expression.
“I am now required to wait for my aunt since if I were to turn this corner, I would not be in her view,” she said, turning and glancing behind her, to where Lady Langdon stood chattering happily with a lady who Robert was not acquainted with himself. Miss Gregory’s eyes caught his again. “Were you walking alone this afternoon?”
“I was in company with Lord Venables. However, after a prolonged conversation, I begged of him to take his leave.”
Miss Gregory looked at him sharply and he shook his head in answer to her unspoken question.
“We did not argue, no. It is only that I have had my thoughts a little disordered of late and Lord Venables thought to share his particular opinions also.” A small, sad smile tugged at his mouth as he glanced at her before looking away. “It is difficult when one questions one’s character.”
Seeing the flash of awareness in her eyes, Robert looked away, now wishing that he had not said anything at all. She did not need to know and, most likely, did not wish to know, his weaknesses, and his failures. Whyever had he thought it a wise idea to share such a thing with her?