His breathing became shallow, and William froze, his eyes closed tightly and his jaw working hard. His determination was slowly receding, and his confidence was battered by these thoughts. It was foolish for him to even consider meeting with Miss Lawrence this afternoon. Perhaps this whole thing had been a dreadful mistake, and he would now find himself in a position where he would need to break what had already been agreed upon. Miss Lawrence would never forgive him, but might it be for the best?
A rap on the door broke through his musings and William shoved one hand after the other through his hair before he called for the servant to enter. The footman walked into the room without a word, bowing as he handed William a note. Murmuring his thanks, William took it from him and then waited until the fellow had left the room before he began to open it. Breaking the seal, he pulled it open eagerly, wondering if it was from Lord Wiltsham, hoping beyond hope that something had come to light that would be of help to them all.
It was not. It was from Miss Lawrence.
Lord Foster.
I thought to write to thank you for the arrangement we have made. I am aware that I may have appeared a little forthright and cannot even be certain whether or not I offered you my thanks, but I wish now to make certain that you are aware of my gratitude. I am truly grateful to you for your agreement. Even though our coming together is nothing more than practical, I can assure you that it is a great comfort to know I shall no longer be facing life as a companion. I am well aware that our future together may be difficult, but I am more than willing to stand by your side. I look forward to meeting you this afternoon so that you may tell me of the circumstances which have brought you to this difficult place. Have my assurance, Lord Foster, that I will listen carefully to you. I am ready to listen, to hear and to understand.
The note itself was simple, but the effect it had on William’s heart was significant. The panic which had filled him slowly faded away as he read over the letter one more time. It was a brief note, but he was grateful to her for her consideration in writing to him. At last, hope slowly began to rebuild itself and the fear which had surrounded him began to fade. He was not alone in this situation, and it would be foolish to push Miss Lawrence away. She was there, and she was willing to be present alongside him, in whatever happened next. Finally, he had someone willing to listen to everything he had to say, and who eagerly wanted to trust his every word. Taking in yet another long breath, William folded up the note and clutched it tightly in one hand. Miss Lawrence was quite right. Certainly, he had been a little surprised at her determination to move forward with such an arrangement, given that she might find herself struck with poverty for the rest of her days, but at the same time, William had to admit to himself that he appreciated such willingness. He could only pray that her character would turn out to be just as he hoped: one of determination, of kindness, of a willingness to listen, and of a devotion that might reach out and touch his heart. There were hints of that in her already, and that realization lifted William’s heart still further.
A little surprised that the note from Miss Lawrence had affected him so greatly, William glanced down at it and then returned to his study desk. Sitting down, he considered whether or not he ought to reply but then chose not to do so, for he could express his gratitude to her for what she had written when they met.
“I am not alone in this.” Speaking aloud, William slammed one hand down heavily onto his desk to emphasize his words. “I amnotalone.”
The words give him confidence, and he gazed fixedly at the door as though he expected Miss Lawrence to walk through it at any moment. Now, strangely, he could hardly wait for the fashionable hour to come, so that he might be in company with her once more.
* * *
I do not thinkher so very plain.
A little startled at the thought that dug itself into his mind, William pulled his eyes away from the approaching figure of Miss Lawrence and looked at the ground instead. From what had been a brief glance, he had seen Miss Lawrence’s grey dress billowing gently in the wind and knew immediately that it would match her eyes. That thought had been a pleasing one, although he had found himself immediately struck with surprise that he should think such a thing and, indeed, would find pleasure in that thought… hence why his eyes were now fixed to the ground.
“Good afternoon.”
“Good afternoon, Miss Lawrence.”
Unable to keep his eyes to the ground anymore. William looked up and found his heart jolting in a very strange manner. Miss Lawrence smiled, and he saw that he had been quite right to assume that color of her dress would match her eyes. It drew his attention to them, emphasizing them and making them seem almost silver in appearance. Why he should find himself so captivated by her eyes brought William nothing but confusion, however, and he gave himself a small shake, refusing to acknowledge the unexpected, swirling emotions that coursed through him now.
“Are you quite all right, Lord Foster?”
“Yes, of course.” Clearing his throat, he turned away from the gathering crowd in Hyde Park. “I would suggest we take a short stroll, but if your mother and sister–”
“My mother and sister will not even notice that I am gone.”
There was a nonchalance in her voice that did not match the darkening of her grey eyes. They grew a little heavier, like clouds filled with rain, and a spark of sympathy shot through William’s core.
“Then perhaps we should walk in sight of the crowd, but not close to it,” he suggested, offering her his arm. “It is not yet as busy as it will be, but it will be crowded enough, I am sure.”
“Yes, I quite agree.” With a small smile, Miss Lawrence accepted his arm, and they began to walk slowly together along the path. The sounds of birdsong clashed with the laughter and conversation which came from the gathering crowd of ladies and gentlemen - who of course had come to see others as well as to be seen themselves. “I believe you were to tell me about what happened that night, Lord Foster.” Miss Lawrence glanced up at him, her smile soft. “I know that you must have a great eagerness to tell me of it and we need not indulge in any other conversation. Please, begin.”
Relief flooded him as he smiled back at her, grateful that she saw just how important this was to him.
“Thank you, Miss Lawrence.” Taking in a deep breath, and ignoring the swell that rose in his heart, he began to talk, telling Miss Lawrence exactly what had happened. “I woke up the following morning to find myself quite confused,” he finished. “I can assure you, Miss Lawrence, that I am not the sort of gentleman who wouldevergive away my fortune. I would never be foolish enough to take that sort of bet, where so much was at stake. I may be foolish in many things, but I am not foolish when it comes to my responsibilities to the title. Lady Florence was to marry me, and I had hopes of producing an heir within the year, should God have permitted it. Why should I do something so foolish as to bet my entire fortune, knowing that it could be lost in a moment? I would never have permitted myself to be so foolish, so very unwise.”
Realizing that he had done nothing but talk, William forced his lips together. The urge to say more - as though to suggest that many words would convince her - grew forcefully, but he kept his lips clamped shut. Glancing towards Miss Lawrence, he saw her eyes fix themselves to the path in front of them, as a line drew itself between her brows. She was frowning hard, chewing at her lip as she considered all that he had said. William could not imagine her thoughts, but he assumed that there were many, each clamoring to be heard.
If she does not believe me, then there can be no arrangement between us.
He did not think that Miss Lawrence would play him false, and tell him that she trusted every word when in her mind she did not. The desperation in William’s heart for her to believe that he spoke the truth about what had taken place spoke with such a loud volume that he wanted to cry out aloud, grasp her hand, and beg her to trust him. He was suddenly desperate not to lose her.
“I will admit that a gentleman willing to throw away his fortune for a game of cards does seem very strange.” The sheer relief which came from hearing her speak so sent a rush of breath from William’s lips. She glanced over at him and smiled briefly, but then looked away. “It must be very painful for you also to have society now treat you as though you are a gentleman with nothing but much foolishness in his heart.”
A deep burning surfaced as William considered her words, revealing itself to him as though it had been hidden there for a long time, but only showing itself to him now.
“Yes, I believe that is true.”
“Then I hope that it is of a small comfort if I state that I believe every word you have said.” Again, Miss Lawrence smiled, but her eyes were still dark with many shadows. “Surely our first action ought to be to talk with Lord Gillespie, since he is the one who sent all of you to that gambling den in the first place.”